Exigence
by SoraxKairi7
Summary: Some things are better left unsaid. In Roxas' case, however, he wants nothing more than to be heard... by the one person he loves the most. The problem? That person is with someone else. Rated M.
1. I

**Exigence**

o-o-o

 **I.**

o-o-o

Giving piggy-back rides was not something that Roxas was fond of, especially when it was in the form of his best friend's girlfriend. His teeth clashed together, struggling to hold her up as she waved her hands around and whined. Although she wasn't that heavy, her moving made it really hard for him to walk straight.

"Geeze, Kai! Why do you always call me instead of your boyfriend when you drink? You've done permanent damage to my back, you know!"

"Ah, go faster, Roxy! Why do you always complain that I do this? I think you secretly like carrying me… maybe I should tell Sora!" Her arms wrapped around his neck, causing him to choke. Roxas tore her arm away and nearly lost his balance.

"Yeah, you should show him this horrible side of you! Gah, that's it!" Roxas peeled her off, dropped her into the grass and took a moment to catch his breath. Kairi rolled around and laughed it off.

"Why did you drop me, you dummy? Isn't the house just down the road?" she asked, followed by loud giggles that were probably waking the neighbors. Roxas glared down at her, his hands clasping his knees as he let out a few deep breaths. "I'm like one-hundred pounds, I don't know why you're so tired, Roxy!"

"You've gotta be more than that," he said, plopping onto the grass beside her and throwing his head back to look at the sky above. The stars dazzled before him, giving him a temporary sense of peace in his chaotic mind. Kairi attempted to sit up next to him. She shoved him with her wobbly hand and then laughed more.

"How are you ever going to get a girlfriend? You have like, no physical strength," Kairi added, covering her mouth in amusement. Roxas scoffed and looked away. "Sora is way stronger than you."

"So call him next time!"

"No, it would be too embarrassing and he would be mad at me!"

"Then maybe you shouldn't drink!"

Kairi leaned forward and hung her head low, taking a moment to collect herself. "To be honest, I'm really not that drunk. I just wanted to be carried, and Sora is at work."

"You're such a liar."

"I know I am!"

With that, Roxas stood and pulled her up by her arm, ignoring her complaints as he strung her down the sidewalk. She almost tripped over her own feet, but he was sure to keep her from planting face-first onto the concrete.

Why was he doing this, again?

They made it to the front step of the house they all shared. Roxas held onto her arm as he used his other to dig through his pocket for the keys, but when he found that they weren't there, his nerves skyrocketed.

"What's the matter?" Kairi asked, leaning on his shoulder and stroking his arm with her finger. Roxas' face heated as he tried to pull away and search his other pocket.

"My keys, they're not—" he stopped when he heard her laughing once again, and the sound of dangling keys. She held them up and smirked. "Okay, how the hell did you reach into my pocket and take those without me noticing?"

"Maybe you were just so mesmerized by me, Roxy, that you didn't notice."

"Yeah fucking right," Roxas said, snatching them from her with ease. "I wouldn't date you in a million years." He undid the lock and let her inside. "Alright, I brought you back, and now you're on your own," he said as he locked the door. Kairi immediately fell onto the couch and shut her eyes.

"Thank you, Roxy-poo!"

She may not have done this _too_ often, but it was enough for Roxas to be used to it by now. The only times Kairi ever called him was to ask where Sora was, to avoid Sora because she didn't want him to see how drunk she got, or just to tell him something needed to be fixed. Roxas crossed his arms and arched his eyebrows, thinking about how pitiful she actually looked when she did this.

"Roxy, come here," she whined, flapping her arm in his direction. "Let's talk."

Roxas seated himself in the recliner and rested his chin on his hand. "About what, Kai?"

"About how freaking stupid I am."

"I could talk about that for hours. Where should we start? That time when you thought it would be a splendid idea to mail thirty postcards to your friends and family from Twilight Town, just to cover up the fact that all you did there was party and get drunk? Or that time that you purposely lit my hair on fire? Or, oh! What about the time in middle school when you started a rumor that I was in love with you? Yeah, that was a fun one to explain to Sora when I actually introduced him to you."

"But you are in love with me, and I thought it was funny when you had to shave your head."

Roxas grunted at the horrible memory, ignored her intoxicated comment and went on to the more serious matter. "But lighting my hair on fire? Come on, Kairi."

"Why aren't you more upset?" she pouted.

"Because that was over ten years ago, and if I still held a grudge, I would be the stupid one, not you. I just don't let you go near matches or anything dealing with fire."

"You're so wonderful to me. I should drink all day, e'ry day just so I can call you," she said, then flashed a huge grin at him. "You're my sober drunk buddy." Roxas rolled his eyes.

"I'm not going to save you again. Next time, Sora will have to get you."

Kairi kicked her legs into the couch several times. "But I like our tradition of you picking me up at random bars."

"You realize how wrong you sound right now?"

"Of course I don't. I'm drunk, silly."

Roxas couldn't help but laugh. "Okay, well—" he paused when he saw some lights flashing in the window. Kairi shot up and gasped, but was met with a horrible headache that she hadn't realized until now.

"Sora's home! Shit! Take me to my room, Roxas! I can't let him see me like—" Kairi stumbled off of the couch and onto the floor. Roxas hurried over to her and lifted her up, practically forcing her to walk down the hallway. They came to the last door on the left and Roxas hastily flung it open. Kairi was putting in some more effort now, actually moving her legs back and forth, but it was still pretty pointless.

Roxas always did all the work.

"Kairi, don't you dare ever drink again!" Roxas demanded, throwing her onto the bed.

"The covers! Quick! Give them!" Kairi demanded. Roxas folded the part of the blanket that she wasn't laying on over her and then hurried out of the room just as the front door opened.

 _Unbelievable!_

Roxas stood in the hallway, baffled as to how in the world they just pulled that off, and why in the world he went along with it. Sora walked past the hallway and into the kitchen, not even noticing him there. Gulping, Roxas set his hands into his pockets and entered the kitchen. Sora's eyes were glued to his phone as he opened the fridge.

"Yo," Roxas greeted, taking a seat at the table and combing his disheveled hair back with his fingers.

"What's going on?" Sora asked, finally putting his phone away so he could actually see what was in the fridge. Unsatisfied with the results, he shut it, empty handed. "We need to go grocery shopping. Kairi didn't cook anything?"

"Uh, no. She's not feeling too well."

Sora glanced at him as he walked over to the counter and grabbed some potato chips.

"She drank again, didn't she?"

That threw him off guard, but there was no use in hiding it. He straightened up and nodded slightly. "Yeah. Don't worry, I brought her home safe and sound." Roxas' eyes followed him as he went by, and then lowered to the ground.

"I don't know why she does it," Sora called from the other room, as if he wanted Kairi to hear him from the bedroom. "It really bothers me that she lets herself get _that_ wasted."

Roxas got up and joined him in the living room. Sora was texting away on the same couch that Kairi lay on just a few minutes before.

"Yeah, it's pretty dangerous. You would think that her friends would be more accommodating."

"Her friends probably ditched her for a bunch of middle-aged married men," Sora said, scoffing afterward. "I love Kairi, but her choices lately just drive me up the wall, and the worst part is, she knows that."

"Yeah, she's afraid of you getting upset."

"You don't have to defend her. She obviously knows what she's doing."

"Sorry."

Sora sighed and set his phone down. "It's not your fault. Anyway, thanks a lot for taking care of her. It really does put my mind at ease. I feel like I'm always counting on you. I work a lot, so I can't always be there for her when she needs me. Someone's gotta pay the bills, right?"

Roxas' lips curled into a half smile as he glanced over at him. "Hey, I help out too. And, it's not a problem. I know… she means a lot to you."

Sora turned his head and smiled as he stared out the window. "Yeah."

"If anything, it's probably just a phase. Most people go through that in college," Roxas reasoned.

"Yeah, but for it to be _that_ excessive is just…"

"I know. Well, if it upsets you that much, why don't you just talk to her calmly about it?"

"I should, but I can never find the right words to say. I don't want to make her feel worse."

"You're too nice, Sora."

"I know," he said, chuckling. Roxas looked toward the hallway and sighed, hesitating for a few moments before he finally decided to get up.

"Well, I've gotta get to sleep. I have a test in the morning."

"Okay. Thanks again."

All Roxas could do was nod as he turned and headed back to his room. He hesitated as he placed his hand on the doorknob, looked back at the door behind him, and then in the direction of the living room. A dejected sigh escaped his lips, and he went inside.

If only he knew.

o-o-o  
o-o-o

 **A/N:** So, I know this may seem similar to things I've written, but I promise you, it won't be like that at all. It will be rated M for a reason, folks. I'm trying to get back into writing after a hard time, so bear with me. Please leave your thoughts so I know who actually wants me to continue this. I have about thirteen chapters max planned for this fic, and they'll probably be longer than this.

Thanks!


	2. II

o-o-o

II.

o-o-o

Roxas awakened in a daze to the sound of weeping coming from outside his door. He sat up and listened for a moment, his mind taking a few moments to process everything in his half-asleep state.

"Kairi, please stop crying. You know I don't hate you. Kairi, _please_ …"

It was two in the morning.

Roxas forced himself out of bed and rubbed his eyes as he opened the door. Kairi was curled up against the wall, her black makeup staining her cheeks as she continued to cry. Roxas stood in the doorway, his expression glum as Sora tried to get Kairi to stand.

"I-I feel sick," Kairi said, immediately bringing her hand to her mouth. Roxas rushed to help Sora get her into the bathroom, which thankfully, was only a few feet away. Sora hastily pulled her hair back as everything came out at the toilet at once. Sora grimaced as his head hit the wall. Kairi continued to cry between, leaving both of them at a loss.

Roxas grabbed a washrag and ran warm water over it. He rung it out and knelt down, handing it over to Sora. Sora's eyes opened slightly.

"It's okay. You can do it," he said weakly as Kairi began to dry heave. He let her hair fall back down and sat there, refusing to acknowledge her.

"O-oh, okay," Roxas said, adjusting his position so that he could get a good look at Kairi. She was resting her head onto the toilet seat and wailing some more. Swallowing the heavy lump in his throat, Roxas gently shook her arm. "Kairi, let me wipe your face."

"No! Get away from me! Both of you!"

"Kairi, you're obviously still drunk. This will make you feel better. Come on."

"No," she whined, looking back at Sora, who didn't allow her to see his disappointed face. "Sora hates me. I know he does…"

"Kairi, we've been _through_ this," Sora grumbled, lifting himself up and walking out of the bathroom. This caused Kairi to cry more, leaving Roxas to fix everything.

Again.

He turned back to her, disgust apparent in his face as he forced the washrag onto her skin. Kairi struggled, but her drunken state made it hard to escape him, especially when she was cornered in the bathroom. Eventually, she stopped fighting and just let him do what he was going to do anyway. Roxas avoided eye contact as he wiped the remnants from her mouth.

"Roxas, do _you_ hate me?"

Their eyes met for a moment as he got up and ran the water over the rag to clean it off.

"No, Kairi. I don't hate you, and neither does Sora. He just doesn't like it when you drink this much." Roxas turned off the water, letting out a huge sigh as his fists balled against the countertop. Kairi flushed the toilet and trembled as she wiped the tears from her eyes.

"I hate to say it, but you have a problem, Kairi."

Her eyes lowered to the floor. Roxas straightened up and gave her a sympathetic look.

"I'm… sorry…"

"You just need to find a different way to deal with your problems, Kai."

She nodded slowly and rested her head on her knees.

Sora reappeared in the doorway, holding a glass of water in his hand. He knelt down in front of Kairi and offered it to her without a word, but instead of taking it, she threw her arms around him. Roxas decided to give them their space and stepped out into the hallway, watching as Sora patted her back gently.

"I'm so sorry for drinking, Sora. I am. I really love you. Please don't be mad at me…"

"Okay, Kairi. I love you too. It's okay," he said in a low tone, wrapping his arms around her and rocking slightly as he stroked her sweaty hair. "I really do love you. Please don't think otherwise. I just want you to make better choices."

"I will, Sora. I promise."

Roxas' heart twisted as Sora gave her a soft smile and kissed her forehead. He stalled for a moment, swinging his foot lazily against the carpet.

"Alright, well… I'm going to go back to bed," Roxas said finally.

"Thanks for your help," Sora said, remaining on the bathroom floor with his girlfriend.

"Anytime…" Roxas replied, slowly heading back to his room.

o-o-o

He woke up a mess. After the incident last night, he wasn't able to get much sleep.

He hated seeing her that way, probably more than Sora did.

Roxas threw his black and white striped hoodie over his head and tightened his belt. He made sure he had his keys before leaving the room, and that he looked halfway decent for class.

"Sora, you ready to go?"

"I'm almost done, just let me brush my teeth."

Roxas leaned against the front door. It was easier to carpool, since they both finished classes around the same time. It was his turn to drive, but he didn't mind—as long as his car actually made it. A few minutes later, Sora shut off the bathroom light and hurried out to the living area to put on his shoes. They were both extremely tired, but they had no choice but to be in class today.

"You act like we're going to be late. We still have plenty of time," Roxas said, casting his eyes downward at his best friend, whom was shuffling through the several pairs of shoes by the door.

"Geeze, Kairi needs to organize her shoes," Sora said as he finally picked out both of his black converses from the bunch and put them on. "And you're not counting parking, as well as walking to class."

"Yes, I am. We'll be fine," Roxas answered, raising his eyebrow.

"You know I hate being late."

"Yes, yes, I am very aware of this. If you were driving, we would have left thirty minutes ago."

"Exactly, and we could have avoided the seven o'clock traffic."

"I'm not waking up at six for an eight o'clock class just to get decent parking," Roxas concluded, earning a wide grin from Sora as they locked up.

They got into Roxas' old Toyota and were on their way. Sora scrolled through his iPod until he found a song, and then turned the volume up as it started. Familiar with his song choice, Roxas grinned and began bobbing his head to the music. Sora hummed along with it as he stared out the window, trying to keep his wild hair out of his face.

"So, how was Kairi this morning? Reeling from a hangover, I presume?" Roxas began, keeping his gaze on the road ahead.

"I don't know. She passed out as soon as I brought her back to bed. I left her some water and a snack on the nightstand. It may make her feel better."

"I see." He noticed the grim expression on Sora's face. He knew it was a tough subject, so he wasn't sure why he asked in the first place. The song switched to another that he knew fairly well, so Roxas just began to sing that instead.

"Remember that time when we performed this song on the side of the road?" Sora asked.

"Yeah, it sucked big time, but we made like ten bucks."

Sora laughed. "Yeah, I'm still embarrassed to this day."

Roxas shrugged it off. "Who cares? It was fun. We should do it again."

Sora shook his head quickly. "No way in hell."

"By the way, when are we going to go to another concert?"

"I'm going to Death by Mango's concert next month. Didn't I tell you?"

Roxas' jaw dropped as he came to a stop sign. "Are you _kidding_ me? No, you didn't!"

Sora rubbed the back of his head apologetically. "I think tickets are still selling. Riku and Namine invited me a while back. Kairi wasn't really interested in going. You're more than welcome to join. They've been asking about you."

"Oh, really? Yeah, that'd be cool," Roxas responded casually, trying to suppress his excitement as he pulled into the University parking lot. Just as they expected, it was packed with cars, and now he basically had to stalk someone until they moved. Roxas was patient, however, as he drove slowly down the aisles.

Sora, on the other hand, was going into full panic mode as he realized the time.

"Just go and park behind the field! We're going to be late!"

"Look, there's one," Roxas said, seeing tail lights turn bright red several spaces down. He turned his blinker on and waited for the car to pull out of the spot, and then just as he was driving toward it to take its place, another car swerved into it from the opposite side. Roxas slammed on his brakes and glared at the car in his unofficial spot, his hands gripping the steering wheel.

"Roxas… please don't do this. There's no need to—"

Roxas slammed his hand onto the wheel and fumed. "Did you just fucking see that? I almost wrecked because of that asshole! Oh, hell no!" Roxas clicked his seat belt and was about to get out of the car when Sora seized him by the arm.

"Come on! Just go and find another spot."

Roxas gritted his teeth and stayed in place. Sora clutched his arm a little longer before finally deeming it safe to let go.

"You don't want to end up in jail again. Do what they told you. One, two..."

Sora's calm approach allowed him to relax for a moment and take some deep breaths as he counted up to ten. The car door shut and beeped twice, and the driver came into view. Roxas looked up.

"Of _course_ ," Roxas grunted, his angry eyes not leaving the man snickering before him.

"Isn't that Seifer Renfield?" Sora asked, leaning forward to get a closer look. Roxas didn't respond as he ramped his engine and flew forward, just before Seifer walked across. He held his middle finger high as he drove away, glancing at him from the rearview mirror. Sora sighed and went along with it. Roxas erupted with laughter as he turned the corner and finally parked beside the gym.

"Fucking idiot. I would have hit him, too."

"Come on, you don't mean that."

Roxas turned the key and deadpanned. "Yes, I do. That guy goes out of his way to make my life a living hell. He's been doing it for longer than I've known you."

"I know, but that doesn't mean you have to run him over just because he stole the spot you wanted. Roxas, you've done really well with your therapy and I would hate to see you revert back to your old habits. Do you want to end up like your brother?"

Roxas' expression softened as he sat back and sighed. As much as he wanted to bash Seifer's head into the ground, he knew that Sora had a point. "I'm sorry. I still have trouble from time to time."

"You're better than him. Just remember that. He'll probably drop out by this time next year, and you'll be going on to get your Master's. It's not worth getting upset over."

Roxas fiddled with his thumbs. "Probably. You must be really tired of taking care of us all the time."

"What do you mean?"

"You're like the only one with your head on straight. Kairi and I… we must stress you out a lot."

"I can't say you two are the easiest to handle, but really, I don't mind. You're my best friend, man. I'll always be here for you."

Roxas shuddered. "Why are you being so sappy?"

Sora shrugged and sent him an encouraging smile as he gathered his things. "Let's get going." He got out of the car and started heading toward the McMinnon building. Roxas hesitated for a moment, sending a worried look his way.

Sora was trying so hard. He knew it hurt him more than he let on.

"Aren't you coming?" he called out to him, tilting his head slightly.

"Yeah," Roxas said, setting his keys into his pocket as he got out of the car. He grabbed his bag and caught up to him.

Why was Sora always right, though?

o-o-o  
o-o-o

 **A/N:** Lol, Death by Mango's. Don't ask. I just made it up. If it's real, though, then… I don't know. Guess they're going to that concert. Please leave a review, even if it's small.

Special thanks to my reviewers! As well as those who favorited and followed!  
 **xo Skyla, Painted With a Palette, two guest reviews, snow x fairy, Dario Flaman and acidic wrath!**

About eleven chapters to go. Haha.  
Also, as for Pit Stop, I will be working on that more when I have more time.

To **Link234521** : I have to work, but I'll get to those previews. I didn't forget!

Note: if you ask me to read something, please have patience. If I say I will read it, I will. Thanks!


	3. III

o-o-o

III.

o-o-o

Cooking with Kairi was quite the ordeal. Roxas had to watch her every move, because according to him, she was bound to mess up at some point or another. Sora's birthday was today, and she wanted to make it _special_ by making his favorite: spaghetti and meatballs.

But even the simplest of meals had its complications.

"How long do you cook the noodles for?" Kairi asked, flipping the box over several times and skimming through. Roxas snatched it from her hands and found the directions almost off the bat, and then pointed at them.

"Read it. What does it say?"

"Eleven minutes? How long has it been?" She inspected the time on the stove top.

"Thankfully, I've been keeping up with the time," Roxas said with a roll of the eyes. Kairi gave him an apologetic smile.

"I'm not good at cooking, but that's what you're here for!" she said, nudging him. "You make the best dinners. Teach me!"

"First, you need to learn how to read directions," Roxas said as he moved away from her. "Then, maybe you'll actually be able to follow along."

"What should I do, master Roxas?" Kairi asked, coming closer to him than he was comfortable with. Roxas avoided her once again as he hurried over and pulled the bag of meatballs from the freezer. He shoved it into her hands.

"Do what it tells you to do."

Kairi pouted, but Roxas wasn't about to give in. He took a seat at the table and grabbed the closest thing to him—a newspaper and pretended to read over it. He glanced up at her every now and then, watching as she read the words on the bag. Now, whether they were registering with her was a different story. She pulled a plate from the cabinet and began pouring the meat balls onto it.

"How many should I make?"

"However many you think will suffice for all three of us."

"But Riku and Namine are coming."

Roxas set the newspaper down and stared blankly at her. "What?"

"Yeah, I invited them yesterday. We're going to surprise Sora."

"Thanks for letting me know," he groaned, hurrying over to put another pot on the stove.

"What are you doing?"

"We're going to need more noodles. We have two more mouths to feed, now."

"Make that… four."

Roxas gave her a staggering look as he adjusted the knob on the stove. "Who else is coming?"

Kairi set her hands behind her back. "Xion and Olette. Olette is picking up the cake for me."

Count to ten. That was what he was told.

"Okay, is _anyone else_ joining?"

"Nope, that's it. No one else RSVP'd."

Roxas set his sight back on the stove in front of him. "Right."

He hated having so many guests. It made him feel like he had to please everyone, and that wasn't exactly Roxas' forte. However, if it was for Sora, he may deal with it, just for tonight.

So long as it didn't turn into some huge party. Knowing Kairi, four guests should always be multiplied by two, and then multiplied two more times. With this new information in mind, Roxas rummaged through the cabinets for extra sauce and noodles, but turned up empty. He was about to leave, when he noticed that the other noodles were still boiling.

"What time will everyone be coming?" he asked, hoping to some sort of deity that she had a decent answer. His hopes shattered with a shrug of the shoulders.

"I don't know. Just sometime before nine."

Roxas' mouth ajar, he hesitated before responding, and then decided against it. Instead, he went to put his shoes on.

"Where are you going?" Kairi came after him.

"Do not touch anything until I get back. We need more food. Kairi, I swear, if I see fire trucks here…"

"I won't ruin anything! Geeze, do you think I'm _that_ stupid?"

Roxas gave her another blank stare before exiting.

o-o-o

A record-breaking fifteen minutes later, he returned. The house was still intact, thankfully, and he could rest assured that they would have enough to accommodate all of the supposed guests. With a heavy sigh, Roxas made it to the front door. A silver Hyundai was parked on the side of the road, presumably Riku and Namine's.

At least he sort of liked them. Kairi's friends on the other hand, well, he had other opinions. Continuing to remind himself that this was all for Sora's birthday, Roxas put on a smile and tried his best to be polite.

"Well, look who it is!" Riku said, waving his arm in the air. Next to him was Namine, his wife of only one year. She watched as Roxas kicked off his shoes and avoided her gaze.

"Hey," he said, waving. "Let me get these noodles started. Kairi, you now have the task of entertaining the guests. I'll take it from here."

Anything to avoid this, he thought.

"But I wanna—"

Roxas paid her no mind as he entered the kitchen and immediately got to work. He made sure to boil the noodles a little bit more than before and then strain them as he waited for the other pot to finish. He added a dab of vinegar to the boiling water, a trick he learned from his father growing up that made the noodles not stick together as much. Spaghetti was Sora's favorite meal, but he preferred Mozzarella over Parmesan, so Roxas was sure to get that. His mother used to make it all the time. Cutting up the meatballs into four even pieces, Roxas laid them out in a separate bowl.

This really was too much, in his opinion, but he didn't mind. Kairi had been pushing pretty hard to make this happen, so he might as well help out. Eventually, her friends, Xion and Olette showed up. They came into the kitchen and set the cake on the table. Roxas looked over at it.

"What kind of cake is that?" he asked, weary of the answer.

"Double fudge with white icing. Kairi told me to get it."

His expression softened. At least she got that right. Roxas went back to what he was doing and proceeded to ignore them, that is, until he received a much unwanted slap on his behind. He nearly jumped out of his skin as the laughter escalated from a certain raven-haired girl.

"Geeze, Roxy, chill," Xion jested, batting her eyes at him and smirking. Roxas grimaced at the sight of her.

"If I could kick you out, I would. Actually, you know what? This is my house. Get out."

"Aww, don't be like that," she said and giggled. "Kairi may not give in to your advances, but you _know_ I'm always _available_. Why don't you ever call me, sweetie? Don't you still have my number?"

"No, I never saved it in the first place. I don't want you."

"Xion, stop it. You're making the man uncomfortable," Olette defended. Roxas mentally added a few cool points for her in his head. Kairi's friends were hit or miss, and Olette and Xion were examples of both. Thankfully, Xion decided to listen to her friend and leave him be. He wasn't sure how he was going to get through the rest of the night.

Roxas waited around for the noodles to finish as he listened to the laughter and constant conversation coming from the other room. They talked about an entire range of topics without him, all in which he didn't mind being excluded from. Life updates were things he only had a feigned interest in.

Roxas wasn't one for small talk, but unfortunately, that always happened to him.

"How's it going in here?" a soft voice asked from behind as Roxas stirred the noodles a little.

"It's going fine. Don't worry, Namine. I've got it."

"I can see that," she said, her curious eyes watching as he set everything needed on the counter. "Do you mind if I get a glass of water?"

"Yeah, go ahead. Cups haven't moved."

"Thank you," she, standing on her tip toes to reach for her glass. Eventually, Roxas had to step in and help. She thanked him once more as he poured a glass for her and sent her back to the living room where the others were. He wrapped up the last of the dinner preparations and allowed the noodles to simmer so that they wouldn't get cold.

Sora would be home within the next ten minutes.

"Okay, everyone! Gather around," Kairi announced from the living room. Roxas figured that this meant him as well, so he made sure everything was ready in the kitchen before heading over to the doorway. He leaned against it and waited for Kairi to speak. 'Now, you know how these things go. Sora doesn't have a clue that you guys are here—"

"Won't he know by seeing the cars?" Xion asked, earning a sarcastic genius award of the day from Roxas.

"Yeah, but he won't know what awaits him inside!" Kairi answered happily. "Now then, when he walks in, we'll all be like _surprise_! Or whatever, and then… I guess we'll eat. I don't know. That's all I got."

Roxas chuckled in response. No matter how dumb she came across at times, Kairi's heart was always in something. He saw the lights flash in the window, and then went back into the kitchen.

"Guys! Hide!"

"Where?"

"I don't care, anywhere!"

"I'm not hiding," Roxas called from the other room.

"You'd better fucking hide!" Kairi called back. Roxas shook his head and laughed as he turned off the stove instead and set out the plastic forks and paper plates. The living room light was switched off, but the light from the kitchen didn't help it much as Sora walked inside.

 _"Surprise!"_

"Holy smokes," he heard Sora say. "What is all this?"

"Happy birthday, baby!" Kairi exclaimed. Roxas remained by the stove as the exchange went on.

The others talked with Sora as he got settled. Eventually, Roxas' name was brought up, and the mystery of his whereabouts was revealed. Sora came into the kitchen, taking in the aroma of his favorite meal in the world. He nearly drooled as he stood over the counter, ready to get his hands on it.

"Roxas, did you make all of this?"

"Yeah, but it was Kairi's idea, and Olette brought your cake."

"There's cake too?!" Sora asked, the astonishment not faltering on his face.

"Well, what would a birthday party be without cake?" Roxas asked, shaking his head at Sora's dimwitted moment.

"Wow, babe, this is the best birthday present ever," Sora said, planting a huge kiss on Kairi's cheek.

"Don't thank me, thank Roxas. He did all the work… as usual. I was too dumb."

"Aww, don't call yourself that, sweetie," Sora said, ignoring the mix of heartfelt and disgusted looks coming from his friends as he kissed Kairi again. Roxas set the spatula into the pan and tried not to pay much attention.

"Well, that's enough work for the week. I think I'm going to turn in early," Roxas said, receiving baffled looks from the rest of them.

"What? Oh, come on, Roxas! You can't just ditch us," Sora said. "It's my birthday, and I'm going to be selfish and ask that you stay with us."

"Please, Roxy?" Kairi begged, clasping her hands together. He bit his lip and looked into their pleading eyes, knowing all too well that they were going to win. They pulled these stunts on him all the time, and he always went along with it.

Sometimes, Roxas felt that he was too nice for his own good, but other times, he knew that he could be a total jackass. However, as conflicted as he was, they always had a way of reeling him into their shenanigans. He didn't care too much for Riku and the others.

"Yeah, how can I look at your beautiful face if you're locked away in your room? That is, unless you want me to join you," Xion said, sending him another flirtatious glance. Roxas cringed at the thought and turned back to Sora. He eyed their locked hands for a moment before responding.

"Fine, I'll stick around for a little bit, but only because it's your birthday."

"Awesome!" Sora cheered, hurrying past him to grab a plate. Roxas hung his head low. "Let's eat!"

Roxas stepped back and allowed everyone to serve themselves. Once they cleared out, he got a little bit for himself and then joined them all back in the living room. He took a seat on the floor in front of Kairi and Sora, the place where he was the most and least comfortable.

He would rather be here than anywhere near Xion, at least. She was still watching him from afar as she slurped the noodles into her mouth, as if it were suggestive of something, but it only came across as creepy.

Roxas _really_ didn't like her.

"Sora, long have I known you now? Fifteen years?" Riku asked with his mouth full. Namine got after him for his poor manners.

"Uh, let's see. I met you a year after I met Roxas, so… fourteen years?"

"Wow, really?" Olette asked, twirling some spaghetti on her fork.

"You met me when we were seven, Sora," Roxas recalled, "and then you met Riku two years after that. Not one."

"Oh, wait. You're right. Sorry, I forget sometimes. It's hard to keep up with those things. So… thirteen years, then."

"Still, that's a pretty long time," Namine added. "I wish I had friends like that."

Kairi was pretty quiet about this, focusing more on the food in front of her rather than the conversation. Roxas could tell that it was upsetting her, but for Sora's sake, she held it in. After her drunken fiascos a few weeks ago, the last thing she wanted to bring was drama. To Roxas' knowledge, she hadn't touched alcohol since.

"How long have you two been together again?" Namine asked the couple. Roxas paused before taking another bite.

"Gosh, what's with these questions?" Sora joked, wrapping his arm around Kairi. "Uh, we've been friends since eighth grade, and dating for four and a half years, right Kairi?"

Kairi nodded in response. Roxas set his plate beside him and said nothing.

 _Four and a half fucking years_ , he thought.

"Aww, high school sweethearts? That's so cute," Xion noted. Sora blushed.

"Okay, enough about us. Who thinks that this is the best meal ever? Seriously, Roxas, this is great. Thank you."

Roxas snapped out of it and looked back to him, giving him a less than enthusiastic smile. "No problem." Sora noticed something was off, but didn't push it in front of the guests. Instead, he changed the subject and started an entirely new conversation. Roxas practiced selective hearing as he continued eating, not really up for contributing. Kairi didn't leave Sora's side the entire time.

It had always been that way… for as long as he could remember.

Several minutes later, Roxas decided that he couldn't eat anymore. His introverted ways were kicking in, and he felt a strong desire to retreat. The others focused on him as he stood. "Well, I've given more than enough time here. Goodnight, everyone, and happy birthday, Sora."

"You're not even going to stay for cake?" Kairi asked, but was interrupted by Sora.

"I'll save him a piece. Goodnight, man. Thanks again."

At least _someone_ understood… but to Roxas, that only made it worse. He ignored the protests and set his leftovers on the counter. He'd mess with the dishes later.

He hated hearing about _how long_ this, _how long_ that, because that was just a reminder of how pitiful he really was. Roxas locked his door and sank into his bed. Headphones were the only way he was going to get through the night. He plugged his ears and shut his eyes, allowing the background noise to fade away.

Regret was a terrible thing.

o-o-o  
o-o-o

 **A/N** : Obviously, I love spaghetti. Do you?

Please leave a review. Those give me life. Not really, but they're nice. :D


	4. IV

o-o-o

IV.

o-o-o

Roxas wasn't sure when everyone left that night. He kept waking up periodically, then dozing off again. His music had been on loop for the past two hours, so he finally decided to turn it off and set it aside.

Big mistake.

"Sora, Sora, no! Wait! Please stop!"

What was going on?

"Kairi, I've _had it_ with this!"

Roxas yawned as he pulled himself up. He heard the back door slam, and figured he needed to intervene before the cops were called… again. He rolled out of bed and put on a jacket and hesitated when he heard the sound of glass shattering. Pushing the sliding door open, Roxas stepped out onto the back porch. Kairi was pleading with Sora to stop, but he wouldn't listen. A six pack of peach flavored fuzzy navels was by his side, and he was taking them out and throwing them one by one at the tree in the backyard.

"Roxas, make him stop! Please!" Kairi begged, her breath reeking of alcohol. "I didn't drink tonight! Not at all!"

Sora hesitated before throwing the next bottle and looked back, seeing Roxas holding Kairi up. "She's lying. She's been keeping this stash in her nightstand, a place she knows I won't look. I already got rid of the Tequila and Bacardi that I found under the bed."

"Sora, don't you think this is a little—" Roxas flinched when the bottle shattered against the tree.

"What? Is it too much to take away the obvious problem? Kairi, you have an _addiction_! You need to get help!" Sora yelled, grabbing the last bottle from the pack and throwing it as far as he could into the woods.

"I… I will get help! Sora, please…" he voice was muffled by her sobbing as she clung to Roxas. Sora kicked the box off of the porch and stormed back into the house. Roxas had never seen him so irate.

"May as well check for any another secret stashes," Sora shouted from the kitchen. Roxas gave Kairi an incriminating glare as he helped her back inside, gently placing her at the table. She buried her face in her hands as they listened to Sora ransack throughout the house, throwing couch cushions and making a huge mess.

This had to stop.

"Kairi, do you have any more alcohol _anywhere_? Tell me right now, because eventually, Sora will find it."

Kairi lifted her head and nodded slowly, cringing when she heard some objects hit the floor in the other room. "I… hid some in… your room."

"My room?" Roxas asked, thinking for a moment. "Where?"

"In your closet. Behind your old shoe collection," she admitted. Overhearing this, Sora raced to Roxas' room, but instead of rushing in, he stood in front of the door and took some deep breaths. Roxas caught up to him.

Sora rubbed the back of his head and stared at the floor. "I… can you…" He couldn't even form a sentence right now. Even in the most desperate of times, he still had manners. Roxas nodded and went straight to his closet, while Sora paced back and forth in the hallway. Roxas dug through his old shoes and eventually found it—another bottle of Tequila. He sat for a moment and sighed, and then carried it back to Sora. Sora reached for it, but Roxas swung it away.

"I will take care of it," Roxas said, going past him and back into the kitchen. Kairi's head was buried in her hands. Roxas sat in the chair beside her and set the Tequila down. Sora stood in the doorway with his arms crossed, taking deep breaths as he glanced up at them every now and then. Roxas looked back to him before letting out a sigh and placing his hand on Kairi's shoulder.

"Let's talk about this."

"She needs help," Sora choked out, his voice chilling and remorseful. "I'm sorry for overreacting." Roxas sent him a supportive glance and then shook Kairi slightly.

"Kairi, what happened? Why did you feel the need to drink tonight?"

She shook her head and refused to respond. She wouldn't look Sora in the eye. Having gone through therapy once before, Roxas liked to believe that blowing up in anger wasn't the answer. He knew that Sora was well aware of this, but it was as if something had snapped inside, and Roxas needed to find out the cause.

It was time for an intervention.

He gestured for Sora to come to the table. Without a word, Sora did so, sitting right across from Roxas. The room fell silent for a few moments as Roxas gathered his thoughts and focused back on Kairi. He blinked several times, fighting the urge to pass out from tiredness.

"Kairi, answer my question."

"I don't want to. I'm scared."

This caused Sora to look up, his expression filled with worry.

"What are you afraid of?" Roxas continued. If he could get to the root of the problem, maybe this fighting could stop.

In his heart, a different story played out.

Kairi's eyes met Sora's for a moment, then quickly shot back down. Sora leaned forward and placed his hand on her arm.

"Kairi, I'm sorry for getting so upset. It just kills me to see you throwing your life away for temporary fixes. I want you to be able to talk to me, and I understand that blowing up in your face is not the way to do it, but this has been going on for a long time. Please tell me why you drank tonight?"

Kairi shook her head and started crying again as she pulled away from him. "I-I can't. I don't want to ruin things…"

"What do you mean?" Roxas asked, leaning back in his chair and giving her a sympathetic look. "Is it because everyone came over earlier?"

Kairi remained quiet. Sora and Roxas exchanged nervous looks.

"To be fair, you did invite them," Roxas reasoned, but it only made Kairi cry more.

"I thought it would make Sora happy. I just wanted him to have a nice birthday."

"Kairi, I had a great birthday, thanks to you two. It's just… when you started acting all giggly and whatnot after coming back from the bathroom, I knew that you must have had some sort of alcohol in your system, but I didn't say anything until they left."

"I thought I would feel better, okay?!"

"So, you use alcohol to loosen up and feel better? Because when you drink, you always end up crying at some point," Sora said, retracting his hand and allowing the anger to resurface.

"Sora, let's hear her side, okay?" Roxas cut in. Sora grunted and turned his head. "Kairi, tell me why you drank. I will not say it again."

"Fine. It's because I think he likes them all way more than he likes me. He would be happier with them around more."

"What?" Sora turned back to her. "Kairi, I liked everyone in that room but Xion, no offense, but you know I love you! I have so much fun with you when you're not wasted!"

Noting their shared hatred for the raven-haired girl, Roxas sat back and allowed them to talk things out.

"I think you're sick of me…" Kairi whined, and even Roxas wanted to interrupt. Sora rose from his chair and wrapped his arms around her. Once again, Roxas was forced to stare off in the opposite direction.

"Not at all, Kairi. I love you more than anything in the world, and that's why I want you to get some help… because I know you're way better than this. Just look at Roxas. He handled this way better than I did, but you remember how he used to be." Roxas set his hands in his pockets and stared at the floor. "That's why I believe in you, Kairi. You _can_ get better."

"Yeah, I had a lot of issues," Roxas added, although it wasn't really needed. "Please don't use alcohol to cover up your problems. It didn't work for me, it didn't work for my brother," he hesitated, "and it most certainly will not work for you."

"I'm sorry," Kairi whispered, fully aware the painstaking waters she had trudged upon. Sora watched her, looking as if he was debating something in his mind. He stalled for a moment, and then walked out of the room, leaving the two to wonder what exactly he was doing.

Roxas reached for a napkin and handed it to her. Kairi wiped the tears from her eyes and sniffled. Sora came back, carrying something in his hand. He knelt down beside Kairi, taking a second to gather his words as he held onto one of her hands.

"Sora, what are you doing?" Roxas asked, standing to look over the table.

"For two years," he started, "I've wondered when it would be a good time to ask what I'm about to ask. There have been times when I've wanted to give up and not do it at all, and other times when I just wanted to pull you into my arms and never let you go. But I realized something tonight, Kairi. I realized, that without you, I'm a freaking mess, and vice versa."

Roxas finally understood what was happening. His heart ticked away with each word. Sora was being extremely irrational.

"Call me crazy, but the thing is, there is no specific _right time_. Any time is okay, because I love you, and you love me. I want to spend my life with you, for better or for worse," Sora said, opening the box to reveal the ring he'd apparently been keeping in secret for the last two years. Roxas' jaw dropped as he slid it onto her finger without her permission. "If this is the only way I can convince you that I love you, then so be it. If you don't accept this right now, I'll just ask again later on anyway. So, Kairi, what do you say?" He let out a nervous chuckle as he anxiously awaited her response.

It was as if everything had stopped, capturing them in this moment. Roxas watched from the outside, his heart pounding louder than ever as he saw Kairi's slobbery face light up and pull Sora into the most passionate kiss he had ever witnessed.

Well, each time it seemed more passionate than the last, but that was beside the point. Roxas didn't know what was happening anymore.

"Sora, maybe you should—" Roxas started, but was interrupted by a loud squeal from Kairi.

"Y-Yes, of course, Sora! I would… oh my gosh…" Kairi's face flushed as her glossy eyes fell onto the shiny ring. "I love you so much!"

"I'm so glad," Sora said, sighing in relief and then losing himself in another kiss. Roxas physically ached as her anguished tears turned to joy. They were the only ones here right now.

"I will be the best wife to you that I can possibly be. Sora, I'm so sorry for upsetting you. I will start going to AA meetings, and I'll work on making myself better, because it will make you happy… but I will also do it for myself. I know I'm not perfect. You deserve everything, Sora."

Sora nodded and took her hands in his. "Thank you, Kai."

 _Kai._

That was the final straw.

"Think about what you're doing!" Roxas yelled as he shoved his chair against the table, nearly causing it to tip over. The love-stricken couple gave him an astonished look, but he could still feel their happiness consuming everything around him. Sickened with the thought, Roxas raced back to his room and slammed the door, knowing all too well that now _he_ was the irrational one.

But he didn't care. He was sick of pretending that he didn't have feelings about the matter.

Roxas took his pillow and screamed into it, ignoring the newly engaged couple banging on his door. They were so _stupid_! They weren't thinking this through at all, and that was what bothered him the most. Sora was _literally_ just smashing bottles against a tree in the backyard, and then he _proposed?_!

It didn't make any sense!

Roxas rolled over. His rapid breathing intensified with each knock, each time he heard their voices.

"Roxas, what the hell is the matter with you?" Kairi yelled.

"You can't give us an intervention and then not accept one on your own! Open this door!"

He could feel the anger rising within him, screaming to be released. He tried everything from counting to turning on music, but it wasn't helping. Ten years of his life had built up to this moment. Ten. Fucking. Years.

Why couldn't he ever have _anything_ he wanted? Everyone around him was better off. He was always, always, _always_ left in the dust! Empty promises would be made, and they would go on without him. That was how it always went.

"Roxas," Sora's calm voice called from the hallway, "we're going to bed, but don't expect us to forget about it in the morning. We _will_ talk about this later. Goodnight."

As if it were a direct metaphor of his current life, the door across the hall slammed shut, and he was alone once again.

o-o-o  
o-o-o

 **A/N:** So, if you think it's intense now, strap in. We're only getting started. Remember, there are only 13 – 14 chapters planned for this fic.

Won't you leave a review for the double update? ;D Let me know what you thought of the last chapter, too! Since these are shorter chapters, I don't mind updating more frequently.

Thanks!


	5. V

**A/N:** Short chapter. Yay. Thanks to everyone that has reviewed so far. Much appreciate. So happy.

By the way, Roxas and Sora are 22 in this fic, and Kairi is 21 going on 22. Just in case you didn't catch it. :p

o-o-o

 **V.**

o-o-o

Eighteen year old Roxas tapped his foot against the ground and leaned against the concrete wall. Teens rolled past on their skateboards, showing off various tricks and flips. Normally, Roxas would be doing the same thing, but he really wasn't up for it today. Sora and Kairi watched from the bench as they talked and made kissy faces at each other.

Roxas scoffed.

A taller man with spiky red hair stood a few inches away from him, taking a drag of his cigarette and staring at the sky. They didn't make eye contact, they didn't talk to each other. To the blind eye, it would seem as if they weren't acquainted. Roxas looked back to his friends, disgusted by their public displays of affection. Sora asked her out just a day before, and it was driving him mad. Roxas readied himself as this man walked by, handed him a small bag and then disappeared. Roxas quickly shoved the bag into his pocket. His eyes met Sora's as he did this.

Great.

Mumbling to himself, Roxas began heading in the other direction. Sora gave Kairi a kiss on the forehead before trotting after him. He quickened his pace when he heard him calling his name.

"Roxas, you'd better stop. I saw what happened."

Roxas came to a halt in front of the busy street and turned around, glowering at the skate park in the distance. Sora put out his hand and gave him a stern look.

"What? I don't have anything."

"Give it to me," Sora demanded, taking a step closer.

Roxas rolled his eyes and began walking along the sidewalk. "It's just weed. It's not a big deal."

"It _is_ a big deal, because you're on probation, and if you're caught with it, you'll go back to jail. It may not be that dangerous or whatever, but it's still illegal here." Sora hurried in front of him, continuing to hold out his hand. "Now, give it to me before I force you to."

"Why the fuck do you care so much?" Roxas scoffed, trying to move past him, but Sora blocked him from going anywhere. Cars sped by, their passengers glancing at their exchange. Sora stood his ground. He was not going to allow another mishap from his best friend.

"When you're stressed out, you turn to drugs or alcohol. You've been acting this way since I asked Kairi out yesterday, so I can only assume that you have a problem with it. Be honest with me, Roxas. Are you upset that I'm with her?"

"No," Roxas' swallowed the lump in his throat as eyes lowered to the ground. "Now, move out of my way."

"I'm not moving until you tell me."

"I'm fine with it!" he yelled, stepping out into the street just as a car was approaching. Sora's jaw hung loose as he dodged the car and made it to the other side. Sora waited for the street to clear before going after him. Roxas hurried down the sidewalk, his mind spinning. He just wanted to make it go away.

He had to.

"You don't seem fine with it!" Sora grabbed his arm and Roxas flung backward. He caught himself and towered over Sora, his skin crawling as he raised his fist in the air. Sora didn't move.

"Step off before I do something really bad," he threatened under his breath, his clenched fist shaking over his head. Sora stayed put, not taking his eyes from his. Roxas may have overpowered him in physical strength, but when it came to everything else, Sora was stronger.

He knew that.

"Roxas, give me the weed."

"No!" he said through gritted teeth. Sora crossed his arms and raised his eyebrows.

"Give it."

Grunting, Roxas lowered his arm and reached into his pocket, squeezing the bag before finally shoving it against his chest. Sora caught the bag in his hands, his face souring as he looked down at it.

"Thank you. I'll get rid of it," Sora told him, stowing it away.

Sometimes, Roxas wondered if _getting rid of it_ meant that Sora smoked it himself, but that thought was quickly discarded every time. Sora would never do such a thing. He was against drugs and alcohol of any kind, because he had seen the effects. Roxas knew that Sora was only looking out for his best interests, and it was hard to stay mad at that, no matter what the cause.

He was the only one who was willing to stand up to him.

"Now, tell me. Do you have a problem with Kairi and I being together?"

Roxas stared at the concrete. His fists balled again inside his pockets as he shook his head.

"It's fine. I know that you've liked her for a long time. You two are good for each other. I'll get over it."

With each word, he felt as if he was sinking even deeper. Sora hesitated, watching him carefully with sympathetic eyes.

"But you've liked her longer, right?"

Roxas heart ached at his words.

"If you want me to break it off, I will. Kairi's important, but—"

"No. You shouldn't sacrifice your happiness for my sake. That wouldn't make _me_ happy."

"Roxas…"

Roxas took a deep breath and faced him, forcing a smile. Sora was taken aback as he placed his hands on his shoulders.

"Don't worry about it. If you like each other, you should be together. We can't win everything in life, right? So, cherish it. I'll still be around."

Sora noticed the sadness in his voice, but returned a smile. "Thank you. I just hope that you don't think things will change between us. I'll always have your back. You're my best friend, Roxas."

His words rang through Roxas' ears, but he held his composure.

Everything would change now.

They made their way back to the skate park. Kairi was still on the bench when they arrived. She jumped up at the sight of them, her silver heels clashing with the concrete. Roxas stayed back as Sora met her halfway.

"Where did you two go? I thought you abandoned me!"

"We would never do that," he reasoned, a little weary of putting his arm around her after his exchange with Roxas. Kairi went up to him and poked him in the chest.

"What?" Roxas bit his lip as he looked down at her in confusion.

"Are you having an emo moment again?"

Roxas inhaled deeply as he turned his head.

"Who wants ice cream? My treat," Sora interrupted, taking Kairi by the hand and pulling her out of Roxas' face. This was enough to distract her from the problem at hand, and Roxas secretly thanked him for it.

Adapting to change was not something he was particularly skilled in, but he knew he had to try.

o-o-o  
o-o-o


	6. VI

o-o-o

 **VI**.  
 _"I've got another confession to make, I'm your fool…"_

o-o-o

Roxas held tighter onto the steering wheel as he sped down to the stop sign. His eyes were watching the road, but his mind was picturing something entirely different. The images replayed over and over in his head—how Kairi's tears sparkled when he asked her, and how complacent the two were after such a dramatic fight. Sora had completely ignored the problem at hand, wrapped it up into a tiny little bow, and it probably would not be long until that bow was ripped to shreds.

He sat in the University parking lot, debating as to whether or not to get out of the car.

He really wasn't up for it. Roxas stared at the ceiling of the car, and then shut his eyes. His music blared in his ears, and it was the only thing keeping him from going off on someone.

It didn't matter who he took it out on—he just wanted to vent and maybe kick a few things.

But he stayed put. He was surprised that he made it to school in one piece, despite the sleep deprivation he endured the night before. He watched the clock, but as class time grew closer, his motivation had declined substantially. What was the point of going if he couldn't focus anyway?

A text came in from Kairi. _"Did you leave already?"_

"Yes," he wrote back.

 _"O… okay. Roxas, aren't you happy for us?"_

Roxas cringed as the images played yet again. Thank goodness for texting, though. He may have overreacted last night, but now he had a chance to make excuses.

"Yeah. I'm sorry for that. I was just really tired and it was really random."

 _"Oh, alright!"_

"Well, congratulations to you both. I'm so freaking ecstatic for you guys."

 _"Is that sarcasm?"_

"…Maybe."

He waited another five minutes before he received a response from her. He was now late to class, and there was almost no point in going. Roxas reclined his chair and stretched his legs out, making himself comfortable as he read her message.

 _"Geeze, such a downer. Well, anyway, we're thinkin' of a January wedding."_

"So, should I just start looking for a new place to live now?" Roxas typed out, but then deleted it. Instead, he said, "That's like three months away..."

 _"I know, hehe! But I'm just so excited, and Sora said he just can't wait to get married!"_ Roxas' lip curled as he read on. _"Also, could you help me find some rehabilitation places? I've… never really done that stuff…"_

"Sure, thing, Kairi," Roxas said aloud before sending it. He threw his phone into the passenger's seat and tried to relax.

Three months, huh?

He never made it to any of his classes that day.

o-o-o

Roxas managed to avoid them for about an hour that next morning before the inevitable occurred. He was shutting his bedroom door just as Kairi was coming out of her room. He didn't say a word to her and proceeded down the hallway. Suddenly, he felt a sharp sting run through his arm as he was yanked backward, hitting the wall in the process. His eyes bulging and his entire body on fire, Kairi didn't give him a chance to react as she enclosed the space between them.

"Um, why are you—"

"Shut up and don't fight it," she purred, her lips inching closer to his. Roxas gulped and blushed four shades as he tried to pull away. Kairi outlined the frame of his face with her finger, smirking as Roxas crumbled before her. He placed his hands on her shoulders and was about to push her, but the shock left him paralyzed.

"What the hell are you doing?"

This was wrong. This was _oh, so wrong_!

Roxas jerked his head to the side and shut his eyes tightly, part of him wondering if he ever woke up that morning at all. This was all some crazy dream, right? It had to be!

"Anything?" Sora's voice cut through, and Roxas' eyes opened. Kairi held her position for a little longer before hitting him in the chest and taking a few steps back. Roxas gave her a baffled look.

"He still loves me," Kairi concluded.

"W-Wha…?" He rubbed the spot where she hit him and stared blankly at the couple. Sora had his arms crossed and was giving him a suspicious look.

"Alright, babe. Gotta get going. I love you!" Kairi kissed Sora's cheek and skipped off, leaving Roxas in the midst of bewilderment. A cup of green tea was what he needed right now, not a five foot three red devil with the audacity of a silver bullet that could crack through the very fiber of his being. He shuddered and tried to hide his embarrassment as he hurried into the kitchen, and although she didn't actually kiss him, he still felt the need to wipe his mouth and shake away the remnants of her touch.

"What kind of fucking stunt was that?" Roxas asked as he heard Sora walk in.

"Just an experiment. Roxas, I said we were going to talk about this, so we will."

Roxas said nothing as he set the kettle onto the stove.

"I've asked you before, so I'll ask you again. Do you still have feelings for her?"

"And I've told you… no. I'm… over it."

Sora didn't seem too convinced. "So, what was up with the outburst?"

His fists gripped the edge of the counter. His words were itching to pour out of him, and he no longer felt like he could prevent them. Just the thought of Kairi accepting the ring made his insides curl.

Yup, there was no way he would be able to hold this in.

"You're just not ready to get married! You two fight all the fucking time!"

"I get that. We have a lot to work on. You know, it's a little late to be getting worked up like this."

 _Oh, okay._

Roxas was about to leave the room when the kettle sounded. He turned it off and started pouring the boiling water into his mug. After a scoop of green powder was mixed in, he forced Sora out of the way as he headed back to his room. He stalled for a little bit, his contorted thoughts swarming around in his head as his back pressed against the door.

He needed a distraction.

Having several hours before class, Roxas decided to lose himself in the virtual world of online gaming, but when he saw that the internet had limited connectivity, his frustration only grew. The tea ended up going cold as he settled back into bed and drowned out everything around him, as usual.

In three months, they would get their happily ever after, and he would be the tragedy left behind.

Ten minutes later, Sora barged into the room, uninvited. Roxas glared at him, but didn't bother to move.

"Maybe I'm missing something, because I really don't understand you right now," Sora said, pacing back and forth. "I mean, it's just not adding up. You _say_ you're over her, but yet your actions speak otherwise."

"Get out of here," Roxas demanded, sitting up in his bed.

"No. I want to figure this out. Are you in love with my girl—no, my _fiancé_?"

Roxas stared at him for a while, trying really hard to hold off the anger rising inside of him. "You really are clueless, aren't you?"

"Clueless about what? The fact that after four and a half years, you still aren't over her?"

Something told Roxas that he didn't mean to say that, but he was still offended nonetheless. Roxas gave a sarcastic laugh and shook his head, causing Sora to look at him strangely. "Do you think I'm that pitiful?"

"No, but I think that if you don't tell me what's on your mind, we'll never be able to fix this."

Roxas fell silent. That was it. That was fucking it. All of this back and forth was sending him into a frenzy, and he was just tired of it.

"Roxas…" Sora's voice softened as his eyes followed Roxas over to the door.

"Please get out of my room."

"No, I want—"

"Get the fuck out!"

Sora remained by the desk chair a little longer before pushing it aside and storming out. Roxas slammed the door so hard that it flung open again, so he kicked it shut. He grabbed the closest item to him, a history book, and chucked it at the door in the midst of a loud, frustrated scream. Roxas fell to the floor and clutched his hair with his hands, covering his ears and desperately tried to gain control.

He couldn't stop the pain.

Roxas put his hand over his trembling mouth and bit so hard into his lip that it bled, but that was only a fraction of what he felt. Hugging his knees together with his other arm, his cheeks became wet as the tears dripped down his face.

Kairi.

Kairi did this to him…

He let out another loud cry and smashed his fist onto the floor. His entire body weakened, much to his dismay, and he could feel himself unraveling at the seams. The persona that he had built for himself—the walls around his heart—were crumbling from the inside out, tearing him apart. The door pushed against him, and he could hear his voice, but he couldn't hear what was being said. Roxas dug his feet into the carpet as he tried to prevent Sora from entering the room again, but he was too unkempt to focus properly. Sora managed to push the door open, despite his efforts.

"Roxas! What's wrong?!"

"Get away!" he shoved him and struggled to stand. Images of Kairi haunted his mind, and he had lost all inhibition as his body took over. Roxas made it out into the hallway, but Sora didn't let him get much further. With both arms stretched on either side of the wall, Sora blocked him once again.

"Roxas, calm down. Please!"

"I-If you don't move…" Roxas warned as his vision blurred before him.

Sora stood up to him, but this time, Roxas wouldn't let him win.

"I'm NOT moving!"

Unable to restrain himself, Roxas decked him right in the face. Sora fell backward and hit the edge of the side table, covering his nose as it started to bleed. The lamp on the side table wobbled and shattered onto the floor. Everything stopped when the realization hit. Roxas dared to make eye contact.

It was just as petrifying as he imagined.

He had never hit him before…

"I-I'm… Sora… I'm…"

o-o-o  
o-o-o

 **A/N:** Nearly halfway through, folks. What did you think? By the way, happy Back to the Future Day!


	7. VII

o-o-o

VII.

o-o-o

Roxas rushed to the kitchen and grabbed the roll of paper towels. The shock of the whole situation left them both speechless. Blood gushed from Sora's nose and onto his hand as he tried to block it, wincing from the pain and exhaling deeper than usual. Roxas hurried over to him, so distraught that he forgot about the multiple glass shards all over the floor.

"Roxas, be care—" Sora flinched as he watched Roxas' foot press right into a piece of glass.

"Shit!" Roxas jumped back immediately, the small piece hanging loose from the sole of his foot. It fell back onto the carpet as Roxas endured the sting. Thankfully, it was only a minor cut. He managed to hand Sora the roll of paper towels.

"Are you alright?" Sora asked as he held the towel to his nose, red stains forming underneath. Roxas refused to look at him and fell onto the couch, hanging his head in shame.

"I'm _so_ sorry, Sora. I don't know what came over me."

Sora sighed as he carefully tiptoed away from the broken glass, unscathed. The bleeding had stopped by now, so he went to wash his hands and face in the bathroom. It wasn't until he saw himself in the mirror that he realized his nose was a little crooked. It throbbed as he gently ran the water over it.

"I think you broke my nose," he called from the bathroom. "It hurts like hell."

Shaking with regret, Roxas only felt worse when he heard that. "I'll… I'll take you to the hospital," he said, limping slightly as he got up and began cleaning up the glass. Sora retrieved a bag from the kitchen and brought it to him, then joined him on the floor.

"No, I've got it," Roxas told him, gently pushing his hand away. "This is my fault, anyway."

"It's fine. It'll get done faster if we both do it. I'll get the vacuum."

The fact that Sora was being so calm and forgiving only made the impact worse on him. He couldn't figure out what was going through that head of his. Roxas placed the larger shards into the bag.

He couldn't believe what he had just done.

Sora brought the vacuum and plugged it in. They double checked for any larger pieces, each making sure that they got them all. Roxas carefully set the bag aside while Sora reached for the vacuum.

"I'll do it," Roxas said, taking the vacuum from him. "Get ready to leave."

Sora nodded and left the room.

o-o-o

The car ride was silent for the first half of the trip. Sora kept glancing at himself in the rearview mirror.

"You know, I'm surprised it took you so long."

Roxas' eyes fell on him for a moment before returning to the road. "What do you mean?"

Sora straightened up a little. "Out of the fifteen years we've been friends… of all the times you've wanted to bash my head in—"

"I never _wanted_ to do that. May have considered it, but I didn't want to."

"Regardless," Sora said, chuckling a little, "I have to give you props. You went through anger management and everything else, and this was the first time you actually laid a hand on me. Can't say much for all those physical fights you got into during high school, but… yeah."

"Why is it funny?" Roxas asked, his fingers gripping around the wheel a little tighter. "I feel like shit."

"I don't know. It just is. I look like I just got a terrible nose job. I'm debating on taking… what are those called? _Selfies?_ "

Roxas blinked several times, but then a half-smirk formed. "Well, when you put it _that_ way…"

Sora nodded and slumped back down. "I didn't realize how strong you actually were. I'm glad you never took Seifer on."

Roxas' eyes darted to the side. "I did once, but I got my ass kicked. I just didn't tell you."

"Really? When was this?" Sora staggered.

"Sophomore year in high school. I challenged him to a fight outside of school, and lost. I told you I fought with someone else and won, I think. I was really… ashamed. He broke my arm."

"Oh! That was how you got a broken arm? Damn, you could have told me."

"Again, I was ashamed," Roxas admitted, glancing over at Sora's nose. He let out a heavy sigh. "I'm really sorry for hitting you. I didn't mean to."

"I know. It's okay."

"Why? Why is it okay?"

Sora shrugged. "Because if I was still mad about it, this car ride would have been awkward as hell, and then I would just feel worse. I know you didn't mean to, and to be honest, I was probably being annoying. Asking Kairi to flirt with you just to see your reaction probably wasn't the best idea, either."

Roxas paused before responding, shuddering as he recalled the memory.

"Well, yeah, that was extremely awkward, but you had good reason, I guess."

Sora didn't respond as they pulled into the hospital parking lot. He had a smug look on his face, despite the pain in his nose, and it only confused Roxas more. He knew Sora was optimistic, but that much?

"They're not going to take you seriously like that."

"Does anyone ever take me seriously?" Sora quipped as he opened the door. Roxas wasn't sure what he meant by that, but he just went in anyway. They waited for a grueling hour in a holding room before a doctor was finally notified. Most of their waiting was spent in somewhat comfortable silence, despite the reason that they were here.

Roxas decided to address the elephant in the room. "So, what are you going to tell Kairi?"

"I don't know. Probably say I ran into a wall or something. Anyone would believe that."

"That's true," Roxas said, followed by a chuckle. The doctor arrived shortly after, carrying her clipboard in her hands and taking a seat in the rolling chair.

"It's nice to meet you, my name is Dr. Stoll," she said, seeing the obvious on Sora's face. "Okay, so what happened? Mind telling me how you got that crooked nose?"

"Uh, well, I ran into—"

"We got into a fight," Roxas said at the same time. The doctor gave them sketchy looks.

"Which is it?"

"The… fight," Sora admitted, sinking in his chair and pointing to Roxas with his thumb. "What he said."

"Well, you two seem to be over it now, but I recommend no more physical fights in the future. Are you hurt too?"

"No, ma'm," Roxas replied. "Don't worry, this won't happen again."

Why did he feel like he was apologizing to his mother or something? He didn't need to tell her that, but the deed was done. Dr. Stoll rose and checked Sora's vitals before doing anything.

"Are you hurt anywhere else?"

"No, ma'am."

Sora winced as she gently pressed on his nose, checking with him after every move she made. The pain was tolerable, at least in her opinion, so she went ahead with the next action.

"Your vitals seem okay. You seem to have a small fracture, so I don't think you need any serious medical attention. I'm just going to realign your nose."

Sora bit his lip and tried his hardest to deal with the pain as the doctor used instruments to realign his nose. It was hard for Roxas to watch, knowing that he was the reason behind all of this, so he turned his head on multiple occasions.

"Shit, that hurts," Sora whined, trying really hard to stay still and allow her to do what she needed to do. After a short snap, she was done. Sora covered his nose with his hands and shut his eyes tightly, trying to pull himself together.

"Wear this gauze over your nose for a week, use ice packs or any other simple remedies to ease the pain. You should be fine, and no more physical fights, you hear? You two are good to go," Dr. Stoll told him. Sora pouted as she left the room.

Roxas gave him an apologetic smile, in hopes of possibly lifting his spirits. "Sorry?"

"I will let it slide this time," Sora mumbled as he stood. "Just this once."

o-o-o

Twenty-five minutes later, they were back home. Sora's face scrunched from the pain, but so far, it seemed bearable. Roxas was amazed with how well he handled it, despite his mental breakdown just a few hours before. When they got inside, Kairi was stretched out on the couch in her pajamas. As soon as she saw Sora, her expression went from excited to anxious.

"Sora, what happened?" she asked, hurrying over to him and inspecting the bandage.

"I was dumb and ran into a wall. Don't worry, I'll be fine," he told her, forcing a huge grin to ease her nerves. Roxas shook his head in response.

"You're such an idiot sometimes, but that's part of the reason that I love you," she said, giggling as she wrapped her arms around his neck and pecked him on the lips. Sora blushed and rubbed the back of his head. Roxas stared for a moment as he kicked off his shoes.

They really did look great together.

"I'll try to be more careful, but you know me!"

Kairi ruffled Sora's hair as she broke away from him and called attention to herself. "By the way, guys, I have an announcement to make."

"An announcement?" Sora asked. Roxas glanced back at her as he stopped in front of the kitchen entrance, digging his hands into his pockets. Kairi watched them for a moment and then continued.

"I'm going to start AA meetings tomorrow. I found this support group at the rehabilitation center. I met the lady that does the meetings and she's really nice. Name's Aqua Turner or something."

Sora and Roxas exchanged knowing looks.

"That was my therapist," Roxas admitted and gulped. "Well, good job. I'm proud of you," he stated in a low tone before heading down to his room. He heard Sora congratulating her.

Would Kairi really take it seriously? Or was she just doing it for Sora's sake?

Roxas wasn't sure.

He made sure his door was locked and then bent down in front of his bed. If there was any productive way to deal with how he was feeling right now, it would be this. Hidden among a stack of old textbooks, Roxas pulled out a navy blue journal and stared at it for a moment.

The years flashed by as he flipped through, each a glimpse of his deepest secrets. This journal had seen his best, his worst and everything in between. It knew him better than anyone, and Roxas was okay with that. He leaned against his bed and searched for the last entry.

Written six months prior, there it was. Red ink covered three fourths of the page. Roxas only wrote in red or blue; he figured it helped him write better for some reason. Pulling his drawer open, Roxas retrieved a blue pen and went to the next blank page, dating it at the top. Starting an entry was always difficult, even though there wasn't really any order to write down thoughts. It wasn't like anyone else would ever read this, right?

So he just wrote.

The pen put his thoughts in physical form across the page, and he didn't stop. Sora and Kairi were getting married, and he would probably be reduced to merely a memory. He would need to find a new place to live, even though he had nowhere to go. His job, a freelancer graphic artist, wasn't doing as well as he would have liked, but he was at least able to cover his part of the rent.

His heart may never know what true love is like. He had only two girlfriends in the past, but they didn't mean much to him. They both cheated on him, and he cut all ties. Trusting others was a bad idea, and sometimes he wondered if he could even trust the two people he lived with. It certainly didn't seem like he had much faith in them, did it? As he wrote it down, he believed it even more. He switched from cursive to print, not really caring how it actually looked.

There was something uncanny about the way he wrote this time, Roxas noticed. He wasn't crying, he wasn't angry. He simply wanted to translate it to paper. It was as if the pen wrote on its own, and he was just an observer. A numb, lifeless observer at the mercy of his own mind.

It all seemed so simple. The answer was obvious.

Get over it, and move along. The feelings were unrequited, and he had no right to intervene any longer. Words flowed effortlessly before him, the validity of them questionable, but he kept going.

Walking away was the only way, but he couldn't.

Roxas set the pen on the floor beside him and looked over the page. It all made sense in his head, but his heart told him otherwise.

How would he face them now?

He hid the journal back between the stack of books. He knew that probably wasn't the best place for it, but that was where he kept it for now. He figured that if he went out of his way to hide it, then it would just be easier to find.

At least, that was what he told himself.

A knock on his door snapped him out of it.

"Hey, Roxas? We're going to order some pizza," Sora said from the other side. "What kind do you want?"

"I'm not hungry, thanks."

"Well, I mean you can have some when you are."

Roxas was about to respond when his phone started ringing. He looked at the caller ID and sighed. After the fourth ring, he picked up, falling back onto his bed and staring at the ceiling.

"Hello?"

An automated voice message appeared. "You have a call from—" it paused, a familiar voice said the name, "Ven," and then the automated message continued. "An inmate at the Ross National Correctional Facility. Press _one_ to accept the call."

It beeped as he pressed the button, and he waited a few moments for the connection.

"Hello? Roxas?"

"Hey, bro."

o-o-o  
o-o-o

 **A/N:** I heart Ven. Thank you to everyone that reviews, follows and favorites. What do you think so far? I'd really love to know. We've passed the half point, folks!

Also, Princess-Xion's (now known as Ta-Seul) birthday is soon. Y'all should check out her new stuff!

I also posted a new video on my Youtube channel of me 'singing' Colors of the Wind. I'm just being silly. You can get to it by clicking on the Chandelier playlist in my profile. Exigence also has a playlist, if you wanna check that out.

Please leave a review! Bye for now!


	8. VIII

o-o-o

 **VIII.**

o-o-o

Roxas walked up to the desk and handed his ID to the officer.

"Visiting your brother, right?" she asked as he filled out his information, just like he did every time. Even though they were pretty familiar with him by now, they always made him do so.

"Yes," he said unenthusiastically, taking his ID back and sliding the paper forward. She reached through the small hole in the glass window and entered it into the computer.

"Just wait over there."

"Thanks."

A guard stood beside a detector. Roxas put his keys and his phone inside a small locker and took the locker key. He was the only one in this waiting room, and that always made him uncomfortable. The guard called him over, and Roxas showed them his empty pockets before he walked through the detector. It didn't go off.

"Go on through. It may be a bit," he told him, and Roxas went through the double doors into the waiting room. Another family, a mother and her daughter, waited patiently by the automatic doors. Her eyes were glued to the white, tiled floor in front of her as her daughter stayed close. Coming here was never fun for anyone.

The news was on the small TV above him, on low volume. Roxas stared at it, but didn't pay attention much.

Fifteen minutes later, his name was called. He went up behind the mother and the child and waited for the doors to open. A guard stood behind, looking to the other one in the control room next to him. The door clicked and slowly slid open, and they were all facing yet another door.

Roxas hated to admit how used to this he was.

The second door opened and they walked down the hallway. Windows gave a glimpse of the outside on both sides, with electrical barbed wire decorating them on the outside. Roxas faced forward, his stomach churning as he neared the room. An officer behind another window took his ID again, checked over it and then handed it back.

Ven watched him from the other side.

"You know the rules—only brief contact such as hugging or hand shaking is allowed at the beginning and end of the visit. You have forty-five minutes today, and then time is up."

"Thanks," Roxas said, and then waited for him to open the door. Other families and friends were talking with their loved ones from behind a wall, in which only the upper parts of the bodies could be seen. Ven sat way at the end, his foot tapping quickly onto the floor as he held his chin up with his hands. Roxas kept his eyes on the ground as he walked over to him, knowing very well that security was on full alert.

Not that he had any reason to be suspicious, though.

Ven stood slightly when he got there. "Hey. Thanks for coming."

"Yeah, no problem," Roxas said, taking a seat on the bench. He never knew how to start a conversation, despite being locked up himself at one point. He knew it was hard. He knew it sucked. He didn't need to ask, but he did anyway, because he didn't know what else to say. "So…"

"So what? I just haven't seen you in a while. You haven't visited since February. It's what… mid-November now?"

"Yeah, sorry."

"No, it's alright. It's depressing here. I get it. But hey, I was wondering if you could do something for me."

Roxas dreaded this. "That depends."

Ven shook his head and laughed. "Don't worry, it's nothing that would get you into trouble. You see, Aqua's been avoiding my calls, and I just thought that maybe you could convince her to talk to me?"

Roxas shrugged. "I don't know. I can try."

"Thanks. I know she's with what's his face, but I don't really care. I just want to see my son. Have you seen Charlie lately?"

"No, I've been busy," Roxas lied.

Ven's eyes darted around the room as he talked. "Oh? What have you been doing?"

"Oh, you know, same old."

"Still living with them?"

"Yeah, but they're going to get married in January, so I have to move out. I don't know where I'm going to go."

Ven gave him a sympathetic look. "I'm sorry, man. I know you—"

Roxas put his hand up. "I don't want to talk about it."

Ven never listened. "Maybe you should. You know me, I got nothin' going on. I'm in here for another five years at the very least. I get the feeling that you've kept this in for a long time. I mean, it's not like Ma or Pa want anything to do with us. We got each other's backs, you know? Well, me in more of a 'supportive from a distance' sense, but you feel me, right?"

"You're rambling again."

"Sorry. Like you, I have no one else to talk to."

"I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizin' all the time. It's not good for you. Accept the shit you've done and change it. At least you have a chance."

Roxas stared downward, refusing to acknowledge that he was right.

"You're not using still, are you?"

"No."

"No pill poppin'?"

Roxas shook his head and cringed. "No..."

"So you're totally clean? Right on," Ven said. "You should stay that way. Don't be like me. I'd give anything for even a shot of Bacardi right now," he said, pausing. Roxas' eyes averted to the side. "You think jail is bad, but prison is worse. Those juveniles ain't got shit on some of the people in here. The murderers, rapists, everyone are together. You think you've fucked your life up with drugs, you haven't even come close to half of the things these guys have done."

"Ven," Roxas interrupted, "When you get out, are you going to stop selling drugs?"

Ven sighed and gave him an apologetic look. "I don't know, to be honest. It's gonna be hard to find a job after being in here. Yeah, there are programs that help, but…"

"So, basically, you're going to miss the majority of your son's life because of some quick fixes?" Roxas said coldly.

"Old habits die hard. I mean, I'll try but… I just can't guarantee anything. I don't want to lie. I love my son; you know I do."

"Thanks for your honesty," Roxas said, rolling his eyes.

"You're not exactly perfect either," he grunted.

"Maybe not, but at least I'm not stuck in here. You ever wonder why Ma and Pa don't visit? Because they're ashamed. They stopped talking to me, too, though, so I guess I can't say much. We're so alike, yet so different, Ven. Compared to you, I'm a coward." Roxas gritted his teeth as his feelings poured out. Resentment seemed to always find a way into his heart one way or another, so he may as well stop hiding it. "Never once did I feel like I belonged anywhere, even with my own _best friends_. To them, I'm nothing more than a third wheel."

"I don't know why you're telling me all this, man. I'm going to assume they don't know how you feel? You always did that. You always bottled everything up, and then expected the pills to save you or whatever. Don't get after me for temporary fixes when you did the same damn thing. At least I can admit my mistakes. You just want pity so you can justify your pathetic ways of handling things. Well, I'm not falling for it."

Roxas' jaw hung loose.

"You are desperate for attention—and I get it—but maybe you should fix yourself first before you look for solace in others. I've had tons of time to reflect and shit in here, and I've grown to accept that I may never change. This is who I am, and that's how it's going to be. Do I want to be better? Sure, but like I said, it's not going to happen until I _want_ it to. To be honest, I don't know if I want to work nine to five and make ten times less money."

Roxas didn't know how to respond. As much as he wanted to yell back at him, he knew that Ven was right. Everyone knew Roxas better than himself, apparently. Ven had walked the path for twice as long, so his experience was literally closer to home.

"I don't want you to be a fuck up, Roxas. I want you to find that happiness that you deserve. You've worked so fucking hard for it, so don't stop now. Don't let some stupid fantasy take over. You have a knack for the arts. Relish in it. Put yourself out there. You have a chance," he reiterated. "Make Ma and Pa proud."

Roxas trembled as he tried to process his older brother's words. Did he really have what it took? He didn't know, and that was what scared him. Ven, despite the insults, had way more faith in him than anyone else did. Desperately trying to hold himself together, Roxas gulped and made eye contact.

"You think I can? You think they will ever be proud of me?"

"Of course I do," he said, then flashed a smile. "Roxas, you've been through a lot, but your heart is in the right place. I also know how you get about love and whatnot, but I'm letting you know, that you've got my full support, even if it's from behind bars. Being here will change your opinions on a lot of things, believe it or not, so I don't think you should be ashamed or anything. You want what you want, and you can't deny that."

Roxas' heart twisted. "I can't..."

"And if not, you'll find someone better. Just believe in yourself for once. Can you do that?"

"I don't know, Ven. I just don't know."

Ven sighed and watched him for a moment. "Well, regardless, let me know what happens."

Roxas nodded. Time was up before they knew it.

o-o-o

Equipped with a newfound confidence for the first time in a very long time, Roxas didn't feel so bad about walking out of the correctional facility. He retrieved his things from the locker and made his way back to the car. He took a moment to go over his brother's words in his head again before hitting the road.

Actions spoke louder than words. That was how it always was. Roxas was very familiar with this, and he knew it was not going to be easy. Even if it wasn't in the love department, maybe there was hope for him after all.

He wanted to believe that, anyway.

As he merged onto the highway, his music blared in his ears. After all the shit he put himself through over the past few weeks, he actually felt okay right now. He bobbed his head as he sped down the road, singing the words sometimes and just allowing himself to relax for once.

He knew it probably wouldn't last long, but… it was nice.

Roxas sat in the driveway for a while, debating on whether or not to go inside. What were Kairi and Sora doing right now? Sora was definitely here; his car was parked next to his. Was he going to walk in on something that he didn't want to see? That happened way more than he would have liked.

Finally, he decided to face it. One way or another, he would have to get through. As Roxas stepped out of the car and shut the door, he took his phone from the passenger's seat. He hadn't checked it since before he put it into the locker, and he had quite a few messages and missed calls.

From her.

 _"Roxy, please come get me! Please…I'm on campus… Sora can't know. I need you, Roxas…"_

It was only six o'clock, and she was already drunk? At least, that was when the message was sent. It was later than Roxas realized it was. Maybe he was too late?

He hoped he was. He really didn't know how he would react around her now.

But he called anyway.

"R-Roxas? Hi…"

Her shaky voice sent chills down his spine. He gulped. "Yes, Kairi? What do you need?"

She sounded as if she had been crying.

"Will you come get me? Please?"

Sighing, Roxas looked toward the house. The TV blared through the window. Sora was probably watching it, and once again, Roxas had to go behind his back, even if Sora did know of Kairi's habits.

Why did he feel the need to say yes? He hated when she did this, probably more than Sora did. Clutching his phone in his hands, Roxas listened to her sobs for a moment before responding. His heart beat with each word.

"Alright, Kai. I'll be there soon."

o-o-o  
o-o-o

 **A/N:** Chapters 9 – 13/14 will be fun. You ready? I know these are quick updates, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't leave a review! Thanks!


	9. IX

o-o-o

 **IX.**

o-o-o

Roxas pulled into the dorm parking lot and checked the address that Kairi messaged him. Olette and Xion stayed together on the 2nd floor, and Kairi claimed she was just hanging out here, but she wouldn't say anything else.

Olette gave him a worried look as she let him inside. She led him down the hallway and toward the bathroom door. Her boyfriend, Hayner and his friend Pence, both former friends of Roxas', looked on as he passed through.

Hayner seemed intimidated by his presence.

"She's been in here for two hours. She won't speak to any of us. I don't know what's wrong," Olette told him. Roxas sighed and stood in front of the bathroom door.

"Kairi, it's me." He waited a few moments before the door clicked and Kairi peered out. Her entire face was drained and she looked like she couldn't cry anymore.

"Just you, please," she said no higher than a whisper, and then stepped back so Roxas could come in. He locked the door behind him and made eye contact, his heart beating steadily as he gave her an anxious look. Kairi sat on the edge of the tub and hugged her body close while he leaned against the counter.

"What happened, Kai?"

She sniffled and glanced over at him before her eyes hit the floor once again. "It was… Hayner."

Roxas scowled. "What did that dumb fuck do?"

"He, well… let me start at the beginning. So, I called you instead of Sora because, well… I kind of told him that I wouldn't hang out with Xion and Olette anymore. I also told him that I would stop drinking, but…" she paused, her lip quivering as she spoke, "but I came here, and I had one drink. Just one. At first, I refused, but then they just kept… having fun without me, so I gave in…"

"Having fun without you?"

"Yeah. I just sat in a corner by myself and watched them get plastered. I felt really… boring and left out. I should have just gone home, but… I wanted to be included. You know how I get…"

Roxas nodded.

"So, I had some wine. About ten minutes later, I wanted to get a glass of water, so…" Kairi began shaking more, "I went to the kitchen and Hayner followed…"

Roxas clenched his fists as Kairi gathered the courage to continue.

"I know you two used to be good friends, but… you may not believe this when I tell you…"

"Oh, I'll believe anything about him. He's nothing but an asshole," Roxas said, moving closer and kneeling down next to her. He was fuming inside, but he wanted to hear what happened so he tried his best to control it. Looking into her eyes, he gently combed her hair from her face. "Kairi, what did he do to you?"

"He cornered me… by the sink, and… started… groping me…" she whispered, and that was it. Roxas gritted his teeth and shot up, but Kairi's voice held him back for a moment. "Then, he threatened… he threatened…"

"What, Kairi? What did that bastard say?!"

He didn't mean to yell at her, but it just came out that way. Kairi seemed to know that, however.

"He said he would rape me the next time he got the chance, so I locked myself in here and waited for you to call back. Sora's been texting and calling nonstop, but I couldn't bring myself to—"

Roxas didn't give her a chance to explain any further as he flung the door open and headed straight to the living room where Hayner and Pence sat. Hayner cowered and kicked at him, as if he knew exactly what was coming, but Roxas was able to jerk him off the couch by the collar and throw him onto the hardwood floor. Barely giving him any time to react, Roxas jabbed his elbow right into his windpipe and followed it with a blow to the face. Olette and the others watched helplessly, begging for him to stop, but he couldn't hear them. Hayner was petrified as he gasped for air.

"You like putting your hands where they don't belong? Do you even have the ability to rape someone?!" Roxas yelled, each word dripping with anger as he punched Hayner over and over again.

"I-I don't know what you're—"

"Don't play dumb! Maybe beating your ass more times than I could count over the years wasn't enough? Maybe I should just—"

Hayner's face turned blue as Roxas clutched his hands tightly around his neck, grabbing weakly onto his arms. Xion, Pence and Olette finally came over and pulled him off, but Roxas just went right back to Hayner the second that they let go. He kicked him in the sides several times before Kairi finally entered the room, terrified.

"Roxas, _stop_! You'll kill him!" Kairi shrieked, causing his fist to hang in mid-air. Hayner struggled to breathe as he hacked, placing his hands over the imprints that Roxas left. Roxas took a few steps back, finally realizing that if Kairi _didn't_ stop him, he probably would have done so.

Taking her hand, he hurried out of there and didn't let go of her until they got to the car.

o-o-o

Kairi and Roxas stayed in the car as they sat outside of the house. Roxas was still trying to calm down, and Kairi hadn't said a word since they left the dormitory. She looked over at him, not really sure what to do.

"Roxas?"

His hand tightened at the call of his name. "Y-Yes, Kai?"

"Thank you for coming to get me…"

Her soft voice was slightly calming. "You're welcome."

She paused for a moment, looking toward the dark house. "Do we have to tell Sora? I don't think I can handle him being upset with me again…"

"He's going to get it out of you eventually," Roxas replied. Suddenly, he felt her hand touching his as she leaned onto his shoulder. "Kai, what are you—"

"Can we just stay here a little longer? Please?" Her hand tightened on top of his. "If you didn't come to get me, I didn't know what I would do."

"You really shouldn't hang out with them. Maybe Olette is decent, but she's always around Xion."

"They probably don't like me, anyway. Not many people do. All I do is whine and complain."

"You do cry a lot," Roxas admitted, finally taking her hand in his and leaning his head onto hers. It wasn't like he would go any further than this. He respected Sora too much. It just seemed to be making Kairi feel better for the time being.

"Have I ever told you why?" she asked.

"Why what?"

"Why… I cry so much."

Come to think of it, Roxas wasn't sure if she had or not. He didn't really know that much about her personal life, and he wasn't sure if that was a good or bad thing. Yeah, he took care of her all the time, and he knew her self-esteem was low, but he never really asked _why_.

"You haven't."

Kairi lifted her head from his shoulder and curled back up in her seat, hugging her knees together. She was so tiny, Roxas noted; so tiny, and so vulnerable. No matter how much of a jackass that Hayner was, she really didn't stand a chance.

"Sora is the only one that knows about this, but I want to tell you too. The truth is, I've…"

Roxas waited for her to continue, but the words didn't come. He looked down at his lap and fiddled with his fingers.

Did Kairi have scars that he didn't know about? Apparently so, and it hurt him to think about, but he still wanted to know.

"The reason I was so afraid tonight, is because that has happened to me before. I've been raped."

Roxas' eyes widened. "What?"

Kairi nodded. "When I was fourteen, I was walking home from a friend's house, and… it happened. I didn't know who he was, or if he was ever caught. But… after that, everything changed. My whole perception on life was shattered in an instant. He took something from me that day. He took my pride… my confidence. I always wondered… why he chose me… was I really _that_ disposable to him? Did I dress the wrong way? Did I give off that impression? Maybe it doesn't make much sense, but then I started to think that about others. They were just going to get rid of me. I was a nuisance. Worthless. Pretty soon, my grandmother forced me to see a psychiatrist, in which they diagnosed me with PTSD."

Roxas had no idea what to say as he watched the tears roll down her cheeks.

"I made friends for the wrong reasons. I did things that I wasn't proud of, but you and Sora were always there for me. You stuck by me when the rest of the world didn't, no matter how stupid or irrational I was. Maybe you had your own issues growing up, but Roxas, I would still call you my best friend. For a while, I was pretty sure you hated me, but…"

Roxas' heart twisted as she went on.

"I know you care about me, now. If you didn't, you would not have come tonight, or any of the other times. You're a true friend, Roxas. I love you. You're like the brother that I never had."

 _Brother,_ Roxas repeated in his head. He was like a _brother_ to her.

"I know that drinking alcohol to escape my problems isn't good. I hope that by going to the meetings, that I can show Sora how great of a person I really am, but sometimes it's just so easy to get wrapped up in stuff like that when all you want to do is disappear."

"Yeah…"

Kairi sniffled and wiped the tears from her face, forcing herself to smile weakly. "I'm sorry, you probably didn't want to hear all that…"

"N-No, it's okay. I'm just really surprised. It's just… sad…"

"I know, but from now on, I want to try. I'm getting married in less than two months. I want to be a great wife to Sora. He deserves the best."

Roxas sighed. "Yeah, he does."

"Thanks for listening."

"You don't have to thank me. I don't mind… being here for you. I'm just glad that… you trust me enough to tell me." His eyes darted to the side. It physically hurt to say those words. "Let's go inside. We'll explain this to Sora tomorrow."

"You'll be there?"

He locked eyes with hers and gulped. "Of course."

o-o-o

Roxas rummaged through the bathroom cabinet. It was nearing three o'clock in the morning, and he just couldn't get to sleep. After hearing all of that from Kairi, what she had been through, he felt like he had failed her. All these years, he had no idea what went through her mind. He didn't deserve such a title.

Popping the bottle open and pouring four sleeping pills into his hand, Roxas stared down at them for a moment. It had been so long since he had taken these, but at this point, all he wanted to do was sleep. He wanted to escape, just like Kairi, into a deep slumber.

Whether he woke up from it… well, that was a different story.

Throwing his head back, he washed the pills down with water. Any time now, he would be giving into them, and his guilt would leave him for the time being. Pulling the covers over himself, Roxas shut his eyes.

Sora deserved the best, and Kairi was the best for him.

That was all there was to it.

o-o-o  
o-o-o


	10. X

o-o-o

 **X.**

o-o-o

Sora got over Kairi's little mishap, and he spent that entire night comforting her for it. A lot of crying ensued, and Roxas was done hearing about it. The thought of them together simply disgusted him now. Over the course of the next week, Roxas didn't see them much. He buried himself in various art projects for clients, but even that became a chore. One customer wanted a flyer made for their family event, in which Roxas attempted, but they were so picky that he ended up blowing it off and giving up. He had not accepted any projects since, and his financial situation was only getting worse because of it.

He just didn't want to.

Getting out of bed was more of a hassle than anything. Roxas' stomach grumbled as he flipped through the channels, his uninterested eyes following the screen. He had no idea what time it was, but he knew that unfortunately, another day was coming.

Roxas popped a few more sleeping pills into his mouth and chugged them down with water. He was already exhausted, but he was still wide awake. Sluggish, he reached for his phone on the nightstand and held it in his hand. The screen appeared, but he merely stared at it.

It wasn't like anyone would contact him, anyway. The only person he was actually interested in talking to was behind bars.

"Roxas, I made some Rotini!" Kairi called out. His eyes lowered to the door, but he didn't move.

"Will you eat with us?" Sora asked, knocking a few times.

"I'm not hungry," he said, much to his stomach's dismay. He couldn't even remember if he ate anything today or not, but he assumed that he didn't.

"Come on," Sora pressed, "come hang out. I feel like we haven't seen you in days."

"I'm going to bed."

"Roxy!"

Sighing, he grumbled and forced himself out of bed. The sleeping pills affected his walking, so he grabbed whatever he could to stay balanced. Sora and Kairi stood in the hallway, their worried expressions following him all the way to the kitchen. Roxas knew that twenty questions were coming, but it wasn't like he was required to answer. He sat at the table and fought sleep as he waited to be served. He could have gotten it himself, but Kairi was already preparing a plate for him.

"I tried really hard with this recipe, so tell me what you think!" she exclaimed as she set it in front of him. He looked down at the noodles; just the thought of eating them made him feel a mix of nausea and desire, but the sick feeling overrode it. Roxas gave the most courteous smile he could muster as he avoided their gaze, Sora's in particular. He just knew that Sora was watching, with a million questions running through his head.

But he didn't ask. Instead, he talked about something else.

"So, you haven't given me your portion of the rent yet."

Roxas set the fork down and sighed. "Sorry. I will."

"That's fine. I mean, it is due on Wednesday, after all."

"What's today?"

"Sunday," Sora replied, giving him an anxious look. Roxas shrugged. He really didn't want to eat right now, but Kairi watching made it almost impossible to refuse. He didn't want to be pestered either, so he figured that if he went along with what they wanted, then that would make his life a lot easier. As he slowly chewed the noodles, Kairi stopped what she was doing and waited intently for a verdict.

"Well? How are they?"

He felt like vomiting.

"They're fine."

It wasn't because they were bad, but more because he really had not eaten much for the past week.

"So, Roxas, I've been meaning to ask you something."

Roxas looked over at him.

"How would you feel about being my best man at the wedding?"

Somewhere along the lines of sick and horrible?

"Uh, sure," Roxas replied, avoiding their gaze and swallowing hard. He had no desire to even go at this point.

Sora grabbed a plate and complimented Kairi on the taste. Roxas zoned them out as he took a few more bites, until he just couldn't take it anymore. He took the plate over and set it on the counter.

"I liked it," he told her, hoping that would suffice. Sticking his hands into his pockets, he made his way back to his room.

Sora and Kairi said nothing to him for the rest of the night.

o-o-o

Roxas' parents didn't even bother to call over the holidays. He had not spent Thanksgiving with them for several years, and in that time, Roxas had grown to accept that holidays were overrated anyway. However, Sora and Kairi loved this time of year, especially Kairi, whom was adamant on decorating a Christmas tree. As Roxas untangled the Christmas lights, he kept watching the couple gloat in the pre-wedding jitters. All Kairi could talk about was the wedding, her progress with the AA meetings, and how much _better_ she had become out of it all in such a short amount of time.

"Does our wedding have to have a theme?" Kairi asked as she sorted through the Christmas ornaments. Sora shrugged. Despite the wedding being less than a month away, they still had not told anyone about it.

It was kind of weird.

"I don't think so?"

Kairi looked to Roxas for answers, but he didn't respond.

"I'm so nervous. I know that people are going to try and talk us out of it," Kairi said, as if she read Roxas' mind. "We're just going to send the invitations and hope people show up."

"They will, but that doesn't matter. They'll still come to the wedding and support us. If Riku and Namine can get married after only dating for a few months, then us tying the knot after four and a half years isn't bad at all."

Tuning them out was now his new specialty.

Roxas absolutely hated himself at this point, so much so that he started taking anti-depressants again just to numb the pain, something he had not done since his early teen years. He had told his brother that he was completely clean, but like he said, old habits died hard.

Roxas was an internal wreck. He considered just confessing already, instead of depending on his journal or fixes. He was so sick of it that he almost just wanted to stop caring, but deep down, he knew what he wanted most. He didn't want to hurt anymore. He didn't want to depend on anyone anymore. He wanted to just be able to walk away without any repercussions.

If he could just have one day to himself without any worries at all, he would be a lot better off.

"Roxy, are you okay?" Kairi interrupted, noticing his spaced out expression. Sora listened in.

"Huh? Y-Yeah…"

How pathetic he must have seemed. The majority of his life had been taken over by nothing but pain and resentment, but it was as if he no longer had control of his own body anymore. He allowed himself to be buried into this hole. No one else.

It was all his fault, and he knew that.

"Oh, hang on!" Kairi said, rushing out of the room without explanation. Sora and Roxas exchanged confused looks, Sora holding his gaze longer than usual. Roxas could see it in his face; he knew something was up, but he didn't want to ask when Kairi was around. Only when Kairi returned with a dozen photos did he look away, making Roxas feel even more uncomfortable. Kairi laid the photos out onto the floor, each framed in plastic covering with a hole punched at the top. Strings were tied, and they were like photographic ornaments.

"Kairi, you made these?" Sora asked, picking them up. They were pictures from over the years, some were of Sora and Kairi, others of Roxas and Sora, and some idle ones of each.

"Yeah, I figured they would be a nice touch to our Christmas tree," she said as she started hanging them up. "Roxas, here's some of you, too!"

Roxas leaned against the couch and threw the untangled lights onto the floor. "You can… put them up. I'm really tired."

"Are you sure you don't want to just look at them?"

"I'll see them when they're on the tree."

Kairi pouted and did it herself. A few moments of silence went by. Sora helped Kairi hang some things up before announcing that it was time to head off to work.

"You're leaving me?" she whined, wrapping her arms around him.

"Yeah, I'll be back tonight. Don't worry, sweetie."

"Aww, okay. I'll be here!"

Roxas' eyes glued to the floor as the couple kissed and parted. Sora said nothing to him as he left, which was a little strange, but it wasn't like he was going to do anything about it. Kairi plopped down next to Roxas and started poking him. He tried moving away from her, but of course, she persisted.

"Okay, Roxy, you've been acting strange lately. What's going on?"

He shrugged and allowed her to pester him some more. If he pretended not to care, maybe she would stop.

"You're not going to yell at me or anything?" Kairi asked, pulling back.

"Nope," he said, followed by a heavy sigh.

"Not even if I do this?" Kairi's finger pressed a little harder into his cheek. Unfazed, she pouted at him and sat back on the couch. His irritation grew, but he tried really hard to keep it in. "I know something is wrong. Why won't you tell me? I'm really worried about you…"

"There's nothing to worry about. I'm fine."

"No you're not!" Kairi yelled, throwing him off guard. "You barely eat, you barely hang out with us anymore, so what is going on? You've done so much to help me, and now I want to help you. Tell me what to do!"

Her pleading eyes made him uncomfortable. "I told you, I'm okay. Just tired."

Kairi hesitated and studied him for a moment. Roxas didn't like all of the attention, so he decided retreating would be the best option. Just as he was about to leave, Kairi tugged him back onto the couch, and then positioned herself on top of him. Stunned, Roxas gulped as she held him down by his shoulders.

What was happening?

"K-Kairi, _please_ don't do this… I really don't want to hurt you."

"You wouldn't hurt me."

She was right—he wouldn't.

"Roxas," she said a little softer, watching him, "you don't want me to marry him, do you?"

His eyes widened as he processed her words. "What?"

"You heard me. You obviously don't want me to marry Sora."

"Where… did you get that idea?" he asked, sweat dripping down his face. His heart nearly busted when she leaned in closer, not taking her eyes away.

"I don't want you to hurt anymore…"

Biting his lip as he turned his head, Roxas took a deep breath. "Please get off of me."

"Why _me_ , Roxas? Why do you want me so much? There are so many other girls out there that are a million times better…" she cried, forcing him to look back at her. He froze up as her arms latched around him. "You have to get over me. Tell me what I can do to help you…"

"Well, for starters," he choked out, "you can get… off…"

Kairi shook her head and stayed put, taking a moment to listen to his rapid heartbeat. Roxas cleared his throat and tried to pry out of it, but she had a pretty strong grip.

"Should I just call off the wedding?"

Without warning, Roxas shoved Kairi onto the floor and got up, breathing heavily and desperately trying not to yell. He didn't mean to be so forceful, but he really couldn't handle this right now. Facing her, his panic rose as she looked up at him.

This was too exhausting.

"Don't worry, Kairi. Pretty soon, I'll be out of your life. You don't have to call off the wedding or whatever. I'll find a new place to live, and you and Sora can have your _happily ever after_ , just like you always wanted."

"Why, Roxas? Sora and I always try to help you, but you never let us. Why won't you let us?"

"I don't want to be helped."

A tear rolled down her cheek as she watched him hurry back to his room and slam the door.

o-o-o  
o-o-o

 **A/N:** Three chapters to go, folks.


	11. XI

o-o-o

 **XI.**  
 _"Next thing I knew I was face to face with something that would never change…"_

o-o-o

The wedding was tomorrow.

Kairi bought him a few Christmas presents, and he promised her that he would open them, but every time he looked at the cute wrapping paper and the huge blue and red bows, (two of his favorite colors, by the way), all he wanted to do was throw them against the wall and hope that there was something fragile inside, much like the way he treated his heart.

Oh, wait. He no longer had one.

Kairi sent him a picture of her in her wedding dress, and it had haunted him ever since. The reality was finally settling in, and battling this war was proving to be far more difficult than he ever imagined. When Sora sees her, he's going to be the happiest person alive.

Good for him.

Roxas ended up failing out of Uni as well. His motivation was shot, and all he did was lay around and think. Think about how he became such a fuck up, and if there was ever any chance for redemption. He hadn't bothered to find another place to live, either. He didn't have any friends; he left them behind a long time ago. He would rather live on the streets at this point.

In fact, that didn't sound like a bad idea: abandoning everyone and everything. He thought of tons of different scenarios, all ranging from decent to extremely terrifying. He could move to another city, change his name and identity, and start anew. People may accept this new persona, and he would feel welcomed for once. Roxas had been dying inside for so long, that he wondered if resurrection was even possible. Knowing his habits, he would probably slip back into selling drugs to make money, get tied up with the wrong people and then be found shot to death in an alley. They were all possible, he thought, and he wasn't sure which one he liked the best.

He knew one thing, however. After the wedding, he would have to leave. Despite all of his feelings of worthlessness and self-hatred, he made a promise to Sora that he would be there.

It was the least he could do before he left. Sever all ties and be on his way.

Roxas stared blankly out the kitchen window, allowing the hot water to burn his skin. Was any of this even real anymore? Had he just been lost for so long, that now he was finally done? There was no point in a confession; he wouldn't get what he wanted in the end.

At the same time, he didn't want loose ends, either. Maybe if he finally got it off his chest, he would be free. There wouldn't be any more assumptions, and Roxas could live knowing that he said what he had to say, no matter what came of it. Roxas hated being so conflicted. There was something frighteningly beautiful about being a liar, and he was the prime example of such. Letting go would only be the beginning of the end, but it was the only way.

He couldn't hold it in any longer.

"Whoa, Roxas! Your hand is red!" Sora interrupted, moving him aside and turning the faucet off. Roxas just stared with his mouth slightly ajar, dazed. "Dude, you don't look so good! Maybe I should take you to the hospital..." Sora tried placing his hand over Roxas' forehead, but he swatted him off.

"I'm fi—"

He couldn't even form a coherent sentence anymore. Everything around him was spinning. The Xanax must have been getting to him by now, and thank goodness for it, too. Lightheaded, Roxas dragged himself out of the kitchen, only to hit the edge of the table and topple onto the floor.

"Roxas!" Sora hurried to help, immediately throwing one arm over his shoulder and carefully lifting him up. "You seriously need to get some rest. Are you sure you don't want me to take you to the hospital?"

"I don't know."

Sora took him down to his room, but Roxas wouldn't go any further.

"Come on, man, you need to lay down."

Roxas looked up at him, locking gazes for a moment. Here, beside him, was someone who seemingly cared a great deal about him. This person had been there through literally every part of his life, and yet, he didn't know him. Roxas was fortunate that he made it this far, though. Having Sora as a best friend was better than not having a friend at all, but maybe none of that really mattered in the end.

Roxas allowed Sora to guide him into his room and carefully place him into his bed. He felt absolutely helpless before him; like a dependent child with no real ability to think or do anything for himself.

"Hang on, I'll bring you some water or something," Sora told him, hastily leaving the room. Roxas' eyes stuck to the hallway until he returned. "Drink some of this."

"I will later."

Sora took a step back and sighed, noticing Kairi's unwrapped presents beside his desk. He thought for a moment, his lip curling. "Roxas, you don't have to come to the wedding if you don't want to. It would be selfish to ask you to go."

"N-No, I want to."

"Come on, you expect me to believe that?"

"Yeah."

"I say this as your best friend, but I think that you need some professional help. I know you're taking pills again, and it's been really affecting your mood. How much weight have you lost, by the way? I've said it a million times, but I'm really worried about you."

"You can worry all you want, Sora. It won't change anything."

"Why? Why won't it change?"

"Because I can't be fixed."

"But Roxas, I've seen it. I've seen you triumph over your problems."

"No, I was just standing on them for a while. They never went away."

Sora was taken aback by his words. Straightening up and clearing his throat, he said, "I don't know if I can walk down the aisle knowing that you're not okay."

"Then don't."

His indifference set Sora off, but he kept his feelings under control. How irritated Sora must have been with him after all the shit he put him through, Roxas wondered, and how good it felt not to care.

At least, on the surface.

"I'm leaving early in the morning. Whether you come to the wedding is up to you. I won't hold it against you if you don't. I just want you to be happy, Roxas. I… really do." He stared at him for a moment, hoping he would say something, but nothing came out. Roxas' eyes lowered as Sora quietly shut the door.

Ha! What did _he_ know about happiness?

o-o-o

Sleep eluded him, as usual. Roxas lay still for hours. The sunlight seeped through his curtains, and that was the only way that he knew what time it was. His phone was on the other side of the room, and he had unplugged his clock a long time ago.

He heard the shower running. Today was the day, he thought. The day he would lose. The day he would look back upon for years to come, drowning it out each time with different remedies.

Forgetting would be so much easier.

Roxas pulled out his journal. He skimmed over the tear-stained pages until he reached the next blank one. There were only six empty pages after that. He held his life in his hands; the only things worth remembering.

Maybe he should leave it behind.

He wished pen color choice was his toughest decision. Eventually, he grabbed the red pen and pressed it against the page, but nothing came. A squiggly line formed in result as Roxas trembled, desperately holding back the tears. He had cried so many times over this book, that he wasn't sure why he had such trouble with it now. Struggling to form the words, Roxas shut his watery eyes as his breathing rapidly increased.

This was it. He had to say it now. Let it out, so it wouldn't bother him anymore.

The pen hit the paper, and only a few words came out. However, he felt that was all he needed. Ripping out the remaining pages and crumbling them up, Roxas set the journal on top of his desk.

Did he want it to be found?

The bathroom door opened across the hall, and he heard footsteps. Kairi's giggles echoed throughout the house. The front door closed, and footsteps neared his room once again. Roxas leaned against the door, listening.

"Roxy, you in there?"

"I'm here," he mustered.

"Oh, well, I'll be leaving pretty soon. You can ride with me, if you want!"

"I'm not ready."

"Okay. Meet you there, then?"

She was so chipper on her wedding day, which was to be expected. Roxas forced himself to respond.

"Yeah. I'll... be there."

o-o-o  
o-o-o

 **A/N:** Shorter, but you got a double update. Two chapters to go.

Before I post the last two chapters, however, please tell me what you think in a review. You have to have some sort of opinion by now, right?

Thanks to all those that reviewed, followed and favorited already.


	12. XII

" _An_ **exigence** _is an imperfection marked by urgency; it is a defect, an obstacle, something waiting to be done, a thing which is other than it should be."_

o-o-o

 **XII.**

o-o-o

Roxas threw the empty vodka bottle into the passenger's seat and left the keys in the ignition as he got out of the car. The tux he wore was itchy and uncomfortable, and he wasn't sure why he dressed up in the first place. People he recognized but vaguely remembered the names of were going into the church. He saw Sora at the door, shaking their hands and bowing with respect to each and every one of them. He wore a white tux with a red bowtie, one that Kairi probably put on for him. Spotting him as he walked near the entrance, Sora gave a soft smile and waved.

His stomach churned as Sora shook his hand, holding on longer than the rest.

"So, you made it," he whispered, sending him an anxious look. "Are you okay?"

If Roxas could put up a front for just a few more hours, maybe he would be able to get through this.

"Yeah," he said, smiling. "I'm good."

Sora sighed in relief. "Well, I'm glad that you're here. Really. Uh, they're putting the final touches on everything inside, and Kairi's in her dressing room I believe. You can grab something to eat in the next room over if you're hungry."

Roxas nodded and feigned another smile. "Okay."

Sora waved and greeted the next guest. Roxas wasn't sure why of all places, Sora and Kairi decided to get married in a church. Neither of them had gone to one in ages, and he was pretty sure they weren't even religious. The only reliable assumption he could think of was the pricing.

He peered into the service room, or whatever you called it. The first two rows were filled with guests; more people than he expected after such a short notice. A minister prepared himself at the altar, where Olette and Namine stood in matching, light pink, frilly dresses. Sora's parents were in the front row, but he didn't see Kairi's grandmother.

"I'm shaking," Sora said behind him, looking into the room as well. "I didn't expect so many people."

"Yeah, well, you and Kairi were pretty popular."

Sora rolled his eyes and laughed. "I don't think so. Besides my parents though, none of them are near as important to me as you. It really means a lot that you're here today." Sora grinned and patted Roxas' back, sending his insides swirling.

"Not even Kairi?" Roxas quipped.

"It was you and I first, wasn't it? Well, I guess I should go up there and wait for her. It'll be any minute now."

"Y-Yeah," Roxas paused, studying Sora's gentle face. He was genuinely a great person, and Roxas could never compare to someone like that. He couldn't help but think—this would be the last time he saw him.

"What's up, man?" Sora asked.

"Um, i-it's… nothing."

Sora cocked his head to the side in disbelief. "Really?"

No. This was supposed to be the day—the day he let the past go. Roxas' heart raced. It was either now or later. He had put this off for so long that hiding it was deteriorating him from the inside out.

"Actually, I… have something to tell you."

There. He said it. It was out. He didn't anticipate to be questioned any further, strangely, but of course, like the inquisitive person Sora was, he was definitely going to ask.

"Uh, alright," Sora said, but was cut off by Riku.

"It's about to start," he told him, and then waved to Roxas. "Oh, hey!" Roxas acknowledged him with a nod and a quick smile.

"Okay, I'll be there in a sec," Sora said. Riku went back into the room. "What did you need to tell me?"

Roxas froze. His throat became dry as he tried to answer, but of course, like a coward, nothing came. All he could imagine was Kairi and Sora at that altar, and it tore him up inside.

"Roxas…"

"Come on, man! It's time," Riku ushered. Everyone was waiting on him. Sora looked back to Roxas.

"Okay, you can tell me later. I won't forget."

Roxas heart pounded as Sora paced up to the altar, receiving a random applause on the way. His opportunity to relieve himself of torment was possibly gone forever. Roxas grabbed a glass of wine from the other room and downed it. He couldn't believe he was still here. As if it couldn't get any worse, he heard Kairi's voice behind him, talking with someone else as her heels clanked against the stairs.

"Be careful with your dress, dear. You don't want to trip and fall."

"Yes, grandma. I know."

Although he had already seen a picture of it, the real life version was even more beautiful. Kairi waved excitedly when she saw him. She had her long, auburn hair tied halfway back and curled, with a lovely arrangement of white flowers accentuating her hairstyle. She came up to him and gave him a huge hug, one in which he didn't return.

"I'm so happy to see you, Roxy! Geeze, is that Sora up there? Oh my gosh, he looks so… hey, make sure he can't see me! That's bad luck, you know!"

"Oh, don't believe that jibber jabber," her grandma said. "Hello, Roxas. You realize your tie isn't on right? Kairi, fix that for him."

"Uh, no, really, it's okay—" Roxas was forced to go along with it, because Kairi didn't hesitate to do as she was told. Even if her grandmother didn't mention it, she probably would have done it anyway. His blood boiled as she fastened it correctly, patting his shoulders afterward and giving him a huge smile.

"Well? How do I look, bro?" she asked quietly, fanning herself and holding back her tears.

Roxas shrugged, wincing at the nickname. She may hate him after today. "Happy?"

"I am, I suppose. Roxas, really. Thank you for always being there for us. I hope we've been good friends to you."

Roxas gave her a blank stare, although the effects of alcohol made him a little woozy. "Okay."

He liked that word a lot.

"Well, you'd better get up there," Kairi said, pushing him into the room and then quickly hiding behind the door. Sora waved to him from the altar, pointing to the spot beside him. Everyone watched as he made his way down the aisle, each step heavier than the last. Taking Xanax with the vodka before he came, then drinking wine probably wasn't the best idea either, but he didn't know what else to take to calm his nerves. It was a little hard to breathe, though. He waved slightly to the crowd as he stood next to Sora.

"Well, here goes nothing, right?" Sora said to no one in particular, straightening his posture and taking several deep breaths. Roxas watched him, dreading what was to come.

Would he still be able to do it?

The bells chimed, and the music began. All eyes traveled to the doors, where Kairi entered. Roxas clutched the fabric inside his pockets as he watched Sora gloat in her presence. She truly was the most beautiful one in the room, according to everyone else, at least. Roxas felt sick just looking at her. Kairi lifted her dress and stepped up to the altar, facing Sora. She gave Roxas a quick wave, but all he could do was stare at the floor.

Confessing was harder than he thought. With all of these people around, Roxas wasn't sure he would be able to go through with it. He started to sweat as Sora and Kairi locked hands and listened to the minister speak. Everyone in the audience watched the couple in awe, each single person wishing to be in their perfect shoes someday.

Including Roxas, except he wanted to be standing over there instead.

"We wrote our own vows," Sora announced, pulling a piece of paper out of his pocket and not letting go of Kairi's hand. "Kairi, standing here with you today is almost unreal. You…" he struggled to continue, making the crowd squirm with delight, "You make me a stronger person… believe it or not. I never imagined that we would make it this far." He sniffled, the paper trembling in his hands. Roxas watched his backside as the words poured out. "I guess what I'm trying to say is, I couldn't be happier standing in front of you right now. I love you, Kai, and I look forward to many, many years together."

By now, Roxas was ready to jump out of his skin. Kairi tried to keep herself together as she pulled out a paper of her own, struggling to read it aloud. Why did he come here again? What on Earth made him think that this was a good idea?

This was _killing_ him!

He must have looked like an utter fool up here. Everyone could see his reaction; the way he glared at them… how disgusted he was… or maybe that was just him. Maybe he wasn't really here at all, and all of this was just some nightmare that he couldn't wake up from. As Kairi told Sora everything in her heart, all Roxas wanted to do was strangle her.

Oops, did he just imagine that?

He felt more guilt than anything. Ten years added up to this very moment, and yet he was still just as cowardly as before.

To be completely honest, he absolutely hated her, but at the same time, he was thankful to her. He couldn't really explain it.

"Sora, I really don't know what else to say, other than the fact that I cannot wait to be your wife. I love you more than anything in the world, and I look forward to this new journey with you. I can't imagine myself with anyone else…"

Roxas scoffed. They sounded so cliché, he thought, like some stupid teen romance flick. However, it still had the same effect on them, as well as the audience, something that he was sure made the sick feeling in his stomach worsen.

That was when the minister spoke those words.

"Speak now, or forever hold your peace."

Time stood still as Sora and Kairi looked to the audience, exchanging prideful glances with everyone in the room before looking back to each other. Now was his only chance to do what he came to do, but yet, he couldn't move. As they locked their hands together once again, closing the gap between them, Roxas saw everything flash before his very eyes.

This was _definitely_ the last time he would see them.

"I guess no one objects to this union. You may now—"

"H-Hold it," Roxas blurted out, his entire body racing as he forced himself around to their front side. Sora and Kairi parted for a moment, not taking their eyes away as Roxas stepped up to them. This was it. The audience talked amongst themselves, nobody having any idea what he was about to do, but Roxas didn't care about that.

It was time to be honest with himself.

"Roxas… what are you doing?" Sora staggered. Roxas gave him an anxious stare before turning to Kairi, who was just as confused as he was. Roxas could hardly breathe as he looked desperately into her eyes.

"Roxas, do you have something to say?" she asked in a low tone, dreading the answer. It was as if she knew exactly what was coming, but Roxas knew she wasn't prepared for this. Do this now, and he'll never have to worry about pretending again. The entire room watched in anticipation.

"Kairi, I'm… really, really sorry about this."

Somewhere in his whacked out, drugged up mind, Roxas thought this was a good idea. It was the only way to be free, he reminded himself.

The only way.

All of a sudden, he turned around, grabbed Sora by the hips and planted his lips right onto his. The room erupted with shock, and Roxas could feel everything draining from him in this very moment as he let all of his inhibitions go. Kairi gasped and took a few steps back, unable to believe the sight in front of her. Sora's eyes widened as Roxas pushed his limits, and then managed to shove him off, wiping his mouth and coughing immediately afterward. Roxas fell to the ground, absorbing his reaction into his mind.

He knew this would happen, but he wanted to do it anyway.

"Roxas, what the _hell_ is wrong with you?! Is this some sort of sick joke?!" Sora screamed, but Roxas shot to his feet and hurried out of the room. Everything he stood for, everything he had ever dreamed of, was shattered by this one impulsive act, this one exigence, in which he believed would be the key to his redemption. Locking himself in the dressing room, the anger slipped out of him as he began kicking and throwing everything in sight, ignoring the pounding in his chest and the pain all over his body. He grabbed a chair and chucked it at the mirror, but missed, so he kicked it aside and continued to ransack the room. Nothing was making him feel better. Nothing at all.

He should have just left.

Roxas slid to the floor. He cried, and cried and cried, drowning out the yelling coming from the other side. He was worthless, unloved and broken, a combination for disaster.

A _joke_ , as Sora put it. A sick, twisted joke.

"Roxas, what the fuck was that about?!" Kairi banged on the door. "Open this door right now!"

Roxas shook violently as he reached into his pocket and pulled out the sleeping pills, as well as the remaining Xanax. He didn't have anything to down them with, but thankfully, there was a sink on the other side of the room, as well as a few plastic cups.

"You'd better open this door!" Sora demanded. "I want an explanation, right fucking now!"

No, he couldn't explain it any better than that. If that didn't tell Sora everything that he needed to know, then coming here was pointless. Roxas grabbed the cup and filled it with water, then poured the sleeping pills onto the counter and crushed them into tiny little pieces with his fists. He scooped the powdered pills and mixed them into the drink, ignoring the loud banging noises coming from the door. He quickly downed them, fighting the urgent desire to throw up from the bitter taste and dropping the bottle onto the floor. Once both bottles were empty, he fell to the floor and waited for them to take him away.

Five minutes, ten minutes… twenty... who knew. He was more surprised as to how they hadn't busted the door down yet. It was almost funny to him.

This sure wasn't the best way to go, Roxas thought, but it was all he had at the time. He never wanted to see the light of day again. He had confessed his darkest secret to the one person that he loved the most, and now he was done.

It was over. Roxas could finally rest.

"Kairi, let me handle it," he heard Sora say, but everything was spinning. He may have had more alcohol than he thought. Roxas couldn't quite remember. He felt as if he was no longer in his own body as his chest heaved, and even something as simple as breathing was compressed as the pills slowly took effect. His entire body was shutting down, and there was nothing he could do about it. He started seeing colors, faint images before him as he went in and out of consciousness, wishing the agonizing pain would just stop.

Shooting himself in the head would have surely been quicker. Why didn't he think of that instead?

He wasn't sure how long he was laying there before Sora barged in and rushed to his aid. He felt dizzy as Sora lifted him up, covering his mouth to block the vomit surfacing. He could no longer breathe properly at this point.

"Roxas? Roxas, speak to me! Please, stay with me… Roxas… what have you done?!" Sora shrieked as he grabbed Roxas' hand and held on tightly. "Someone call an ambulance!"

He managed to look up at him. His favorite thing about Sora was that Sora never judged him. Not even once. Sora stuck by his side no matter what happened, but he knew he had gone too far this time. He ruined Sora's special day with the one he truly loved, and he felt absolutely horrible. It was such a stupid way to go, but it wasn't like he could turn back now.

He really _was_ that pitiful. What made him think that Sora would ever feel the same?

"Roxas, don't die… please… why would you do something like this?! Stay with me, I'm right here… just breathe, Roxas… breathe…"

But breathing was too hard. Sora clutched his weak hand tighter, bringing it up to his wet, teary-eyed face. Even when Sora cried, he was amazing. Roxas hated seeing it, just like he hated hurting him. He even pretended to like Kairi for Sora's sake, all so that he could be happy.

He could see why that would confuse someone now. Kairi was nothing more than an annoying sister to him, one he knew that he didn't deserve.

"You can't do this," he cried. "Please, Roxas… just listen to my voice. I'm right here… I'll always be here…"

Roxas managed a weak smile as his eyes fluttered. "S-Sora…"

"Yes? What is it? Roxas, please say something!" Sora said, cradling Roxas as he leaned in closer. Roxas managed to touch his face for just a moment before his arm fell limp. "Please don't go, Roxas… I don't know what I would do without you! Whatever that was, we will forgive you! Just pull through… please don't go… I can't lose you!"

"Sora," Roxas repeated, his breathing so slow that he could barely speak. His lungs were ready to collapse, but he had to at least say something. "I'm sorry… for not…"

Too late.

Sora was speechless as he waited for him to finish, but nothing else came. "R-Roxas? Can you hear me?!"

His eyes gave way to the darkness, and he could no longer hear him.

o-o-o  
o-o-o

 **A/N:** Before you kill me, I'd like you to watch a video on Youtube called "K. Will – Please Don't." That inspired this entire fic.

I expect to lose some followers for this, but if you could look past your "ships" and realize the real tragedy in all of this, then I commend you. I didn't write this just for this moment, but it was truly a challenge to write for these past two weeks. (Yes, I'm finishing an entire short story in two weeks). Next chapter will be more Sora-centric, so if you want to keep reading, then by all means, I'll probably have that out soon.

Thank you for taking the time to read this, and whether you liked it or not, I'd like to read your opinions!


	13. XIII

o-o-o

 **XIII.**  
 _"It's been a long day without you my friend, and I'll tell you all about it when I see you again…"_

o-o-o

Kairi stirred beside him. He wasn't sure how she was even able to sleep, especially after these last few weeks. Sora sat on the edge of the bed, his baggy eyes staring at the carpet below.

He hadn't dared to go into Roxas' room since he died, but he felt like now was the time. Quietly standing by his bedroom door, he looked back to his wife, his face devoid of emotion.

He crossed the hall and trembled as he placed his hand on the doorknob. He never imagined that he would actually lose his best friend in a million years, and it was one of the hardest things he had ever dealt with. It was like losing a part of himself.

What he wanted to know more than anything, however, was why Roxas was so afraid to tell him. It took a few days to process everything that happened, and now, several weeks later, he was finally able to sit back and think rationally. Sora had no idea what he would find in Roxas' abandoned room, but he just had a really strong feeling that he would find _something_.

He shut the door quietly behind him. Immediately, his tears resurfaced. Sora shakily covered his mouth, fighting the cascade of bittersweet emotions. He felt exactly the same he did that day, and he figured it would never get better.

He missed him so much.

Sora gathered whatever strength he had left and started walking around the room. He found Roxas' paintings scattered across the floor, some torn, some just crinkled, but regardless, they were destroyed.

He wasn't planning on coming back. Sora stood for a moment with his watery eyes shut, his aching heart pounding, but he persisted. Stepping over the various drawings and paintings, things Sora would consider to be more like proud accomplishments, the reality of him being gone settled in. He couldn't tell Roxas how much he loved his art anymore, or that he should really work on making a career of it rather than just something he did for extra money. Sora always encouraged him to be the absolute best he could be, but after this, he just felt as if it wasn't enough.

He should have paid more attention.

It was so dreary in here, Sora thought. This room sucked the life out of anyone who entered, whether they knew who it belonged to or not. Sora came up to the neatly made bed, noting that it was the only thing that seemed normal in here. He sat on the edge and sighed, taking in the familiarity of it. It wasn't long ago when Roxas spent the majority of his time in here. He must have felt so lonely hiding his true feelings behind a smile for so long. Did he think Sora would hate him for it? All he needed to do was tell him, and Sora would have found a way.

That was all he had to do…

Sora looked to the nightstand, noticing Roxas' phone, as well as a blue notebook. He picked up the phone first, and the locked screen appeared. Sora had no idea what the password was, oddly enough, so he tried a bunch of different combinations. _1393_ , a combination of Roxas' favorite number and his birth year, didn't work, so he tried to think of something else.

 _1015._ Sora's birthday.

An overwhelming sensation overcame him when the screen unlocked, and he nearly cried. A picture of him and Roxas from high school was in the background. Sora stared at it for a while, completely forgetting about the touch screen as he absentmindedly placed his finger over Roxas' face, but accidentally opened a game instead. He clicked out of it and clicked the photo gallery, just to see what else was in there. Much to his surprise, there were only about fifteen photos, over half of them being just pictures of Roxas from the past two years when he first got the phone. There were two of Sora, one in which Sora had no recollection of him ever taking, but at least it wasn't a bad photo. He smiled halfheartedly.

Sora set the phone aside, placing his eyes on the notebook. He had a weary feeling when he picked it up and examined it. Something just told him this was what he was looking for, so he opened it up and immediately recognized Roxas' writing. At first, he didn't think he should read it, so he closed it and took a moment. He never even knew that Roxas had a journal, but the fact that he left it out in the open told him that maybe, just maybe, he wanted him to find it. Going along with that assumption, Sora fell back onto the bed, fully aware of how horrible and crazy it was, and started reading.

The first page was dated April 23rd, 2007. The last eight years was put into this journal, every thought that Roxas never revealed, every desire deep inside his heart. It was so difficult to read, but at the same time, he couldn't put it down. This was what Sora wanted all along—just to know what was truly on his best friend's mind.

And more.

Sora bit his lip as he read about Roxas' love-hate conflict with Kairi, and then felt so stupid for always accusing him of liking her. He should have known, he thought as he continued reading, that Roxas never liked Kairi that way at all. Roxas may have had a lot of issues growing up, but Sora knew that he would never betray him. He talked about all the great things that Sora did over the years, how amazing he was at everything, how popular and nice he was, and how he honestly wished he could be that way. Roxas' admiration for Sora alone made him tear up, awakening feelings that he had long thought were put to rest.

He never wanted to admit it, either. Like Roxas, he had no idea how he would react.

It was getting harder and harder to turn the pages, but Sora was obsessed with finishing this. As the night winded down, bittersweet memories played out. He wrote about his struggles with Hayner and his other friends, how alone he felt around them and how immature they really were. Sora had to agree with that. He wrote about the fights he got in, some won, most lost. His battle with drugs and alcohol, his family's reaction to it, and the fact that Ven was the only one that ever knew _everything_ , weighed heavily on his mind. Ven knew, and Sora didn't. He didn't know why that bothered him so much.

Sora had to be the one to tell Roxas' parents, whom he was sure told Ven by now. He didn't even want to think about how that went.

Three years ago, Roxas wrote about his struggles with his sexuality, and how desperate he was to cover it up. By this point, he thought of Sora as unattainable, yet he couldn't stop. For ten years, ten staggering years, his love was one-sided, or so he believed. This meant that since he was twelve years old, barely entering adolescence, that he began liking him more. Sora's vision blurred as he sniffled and wiped his eyes. He just couldn't comprehend how there was _so much_ he didn't know. He felt completely stupid, blinded by his own denial.

He would never be able to tell Roxas how he truly felt, and that was what hurt the most.

Roxas' entries became bitterer as the years went on, especially after Sora started dating Kairi. Sora read through all the anger and torment that he harbored for them as a couple, and it was still just as shocking. He even went as far as talking about getting rid of Kairi, but then countered it with the fact that it wouldn't make Sora happy.

Everything he did was for Sora's happiness. Sora had to set the journal down several times to process it all, burying his face in his hands and taking deep breaths as he pictured Roxas' smiling face. Was he ever truly happy, Sora wondered, or was he just living a lie up until the end, due to his fear of being discovered and possibly losing Sora forever?

He could barely handle it.

He came to the final entry, dated the day of their wedding. As he read the only two sentences on the page, he just knew that this was it.

This was Roxas' suicide note.

Sora shut the book and cried his eyes out, hugging it close to his chest. Kairi rushed into the room, hesitating in front of Roxas' bed for a moment before going to console her husband.

"Sora, honey, why did you come in here?" Kairi asked, wanting to wipe his pain away with her touch just as he did for her so many times, but she had no idea how. Sora was an utter mess, refusing to let Roxas' heart slip out of his grasp. It was all he had left of him, and he wasn't about to lose that, too. Kairi sat on the floor, at a loss as she let him cry.

If only he could've known… he would have been able to save him. He had failed his best friend, the one person he loved more than anyone in the world.

Regret was a terrible thing.

Sitting up, Sora sobbed as he searched everywhere for a pen. He knew what he was doing was absolutely crazy and that Roxas would never be able to read it, but he wanted to write something. He wanted to give him the closure he longed so much for, because it was the least he could do. He pulled open the drawers and rummaged through until he found a blue pen, and then turned to the last page in the journal. He read over Roxas' note again, the pen shaking in his hands as his vision doubled. If he could just write it in here, in Roxas' heart, maybe even in the afterlife, he could hear him. Kairi watched helplessly as Sora scribbled across the page in a distorted daze. He signed his name, and that was it. He shut the journal and set it back on the nightstand.

A weight was lifted.

o-o-o

 _January 7_ _th_ _, 2016  
This is my final entry. It's time to move on._

 _-Roxas_

o-o-o  
o-o-o

 **A/N:** brb, crying

I started this fic exactly two weeks ago. (Of course, I planned it out beforehand) Haha! I think there is like one time a year where I just KNOW what I want to write in a fic so I update literally every day til it's done. (2014 was JMtT) Sorry for the email spam! (sorrynotsorry)

A special thanks to **Painted With a Palette** for helping me stay on track with this fic! Guyz, check her out. Lyke. Forrealz.

Also, thank you to everyone that took the time to review!  
 **snow x fairy, Ta-Seul (Happy birthday in two days!), appliiex, Soroku guest (haha, you called it and you didn't even know it), Jenzie (your English is great!), Link234521, CataclysmicContingency, puppyluv1995, Dario Flaman, Gentle Melodious Nocturne, xo Skyla, Death by Mango's, laindessiel, Nebuchad, acidicwrath, and the first guest review!**

 **Recommended songs on the playlist:**  
(Link in profile)  
 **VIXX LR** – Beautiful Liar  
 **Matchbox Twenty** – If You're Gone/Bent  
 **Rascal Flatts** – What Hurts the Most  
 **Slaves** – Winter Everywhere/Drowning in My Addiction

Actually, they're all great. Please check them out, as well as that video by **K. Will** called " **Please Don't."** I want to know what you think of it. Make sure you watch that one all the way through.

Also, you can follow me on Twitter if you'd like! Let's be friends :D

One more question: If I started making V-logs on Youtube pertaining to fanfiction and other things, who would actually watch? Just something I've been debating for a bit. Let me know!

Please leave a **final review!**


	14. Book Preview

**A/N:** this is a preview to my novella that will be published on Amazon Kindle soon. When I publish it, I will have to take down this story, so I wanted to give you guys a preview of the first chapter! Not too much has changed other than a bunch of heavy editing and names, a few things added here and there, etc. Let me know what you think! I won't have this up long!

o-o-o

 **Exigence**

 **I.**

Giving piggy-back rides was not something that Brandon was fond of, especially when they were for his best friend's girlfriend. His teeth clashed together, struggling to hold her up as she lazily waved her hands around and whined.

"Geeze, Maddie! Why do you always call me instead of your boyfriend when you drink? You've done permanent damage to my back, you know!"

"Ah, go faster, Brandon! Why do you always complain? I think you secretly like carrying me. Maybe I should tell Tye!" Her arms strapped around his neck. Brandon tore them away, nearly losing his balance in the process.

"Yeah, you should show him this horrible side of you! Gah, that's it!" Brandon peeled her off, dropped her into the grass and took a moment to catch his breath. Maddie howled in laughter.

"Why did you drop me, you dummy? Isn't our house just down the road?" she asked, followed by loud giggles. Mindful of the neighbors, Brandon glared down at her, his hands clasped around his knees as he let out a few deep breaths. "I'm like one-hundred pounds, I don't know why you're so tired."

"You've gotta be more than that." Brandon plopped down beside her and threw his head back to look at the sky above. The stars dazzled before him, giving off a temporary sense of peace in his chaotic mind. Maddie pulled herself up.

"How are you ever going to get a girlfriend? You have like, no physical strength," Maddie added. She covered her mouth and snickered. Brandon scoffed and looked away. "Tye is way stronger than you."

"So call him next time!"

"No, it would be too embarrassing and he would be mad at me!"

"Then maybe you shouldn't drink!"

Maddie leaned forward and held her head low, her frizzy brown hair shielding her face. "To be honest, I'm really not that drunk. I was just too lazy to walk."

"You're such a liar."

"I know I am!" she exclaimed, locking arms with him. Brandon broke from her grip, ignoring her complaints as he strung her down the sidewalk. She almost tripped over her own feet, but he was sure to keep her from planting face-first onto the concrete. Why was he doing this, again?

They made it to the front step of the house. Brandon held onto her arm and dug through his pocket for the keys.

"What's the matter?" Maddie asked after a few seconds, using his shoulder for support and impishly running her finger along his arm. Brandon's face heated as he pulled away and searched his other pocket.

"I can't find my keys." He stopped when he heard her laughing once again, as well as a jingling sound. She held them up and smirked. "Okay, how the hell did you get those?"

"You were just so mesmerized by me that you didn't notice."

"Yeah right," Brandon said, rolling his eyes and snatching them away from her with ease. Maddie laced her hands behind her back and gave a sheepish grin. Once inside, he said, "Alright, I brought you back, and now you're on your own." Maddie immediately fell onto the couch and shut her eyes.

"Thank you, Brandon-poo!"

She didn't drink too often, but when she did, she went all out. The only times Maddie ever called him was to ask where Tye was, to avoid Tye because she didn't want him to see how drunk she was, or just to tell him that something needed to be fixed. Brandon leaned against the doorway, thinking about how pitiful she looked at the moment.

"Brandon, come here," she whined, flapping her arm in his direction. "Let's talk."

Brandon, with nothing better to do, seated himself in the recliner and rested his chin on his hand. "About what, Maddie?"

"About how freaking stupid I am."

"I could talk about that for hours. Where should we start?" he teased. She grumbled in response. "Let's see, how about that time when you thought it would be a splendid idea to mail a bunch of sappy postcards to your friends and family from Los Angeles, just to cover up the fact that all you did there was party and get drunk? Or that time that you accidentally lit my hair on fire in middle school? Was that really an accident?" Maddie scoffed. "Or, oh! What about the other time in middle school when you started a rumor that I was in love with you? Yeah, that was a fun one to explain when I introduced you to Tye."

"But you are in love with me, and I thought it was funny when you had to shave your head. You don't look that good without your pretty blond hair."

"Oh, thanks." Brandon grunted, ignoring her intoxicated comment. "But lighting my hair on fire? Come on, Maddie. There's probably permanent damage to my brain because of it."

"That explains a lot," she countered. Brandon admitted defeat. He should have seen that one coming. Maddie let out a huge yawn and looked over at him. "Hmm, why aren't you more upset?"

"Because that was over ten years ago, and if I still held a grudge, I would be the stupid one. I just don't let you go near matches or anything dealing with fire." He smirked.

"You're so wonderful to me. I should drink all day, e'ry day just so I can call you," she said, then flashed a huge grin at him. "You're my sober drunk buddy."

Brandon rolled his eyes. "I'm not going to save you again. Next time, call Tye. You know, your boyfriend?"

Maddie childishly kicked her legs onto the couch. "But I like our tradition of you picking me up at random bars."

"You realize how wrong you sound right now?"

"Of course I don't. I'm drunk, silly."

Brandon couldn't help but laugh. "Okay, well, next time, don't call me. Got it?"

"But Brandon!" she whined, reaching her hand out. Brandon just stared at her.

"Nope. I'm not giving in. I'll make up some excuse and you'll just have to call Tye."

She pouted. "That's so mean."

"There's a simple solution. Just don't drink." A light flashed from the window, and a car rolled over the gravel driveway. Maddie shot up and gasped, but was met with a pounding sensation in her head.

"Tye's home! Shit! Take me to my room! I can't let him see me like this!" Maddie stumbled onto the floor. Brandon hurried and lifted her up, and practically pushed her down the hallway.

"Ugh, I feel sick," Maddie complained, holding onto her stomach as if she were about to burst.

"Please don't throw up," he begged. They came to the last door on the left, and Brandon hastily flung it open. "And don't ever drink again. I don't want to take care of you like this anymore." They heard his car beep outside.

"The covers! Quick! Give them!" Maddie demanded. He folded the blanket over her and then made it out of the room just as the front door opened.

Brandon stood in the hallway, baffled as to how in the world they just pulled that off, and why in the world he went along with it. Tye walked past the hallway and into the kitchen, not seeming to notice anything out of the ordinary. Gulping, Brandon set his hands into his pockets and casually entered the kitchen. Tye's eyes were glued to his phone as he opened the fridge.

"Yo," Brandon greeted, taking a seat at the table and combing his wild, blond hair back with his fingers.

"What's going on?" Tye asked, finally putting his phone away so he could actually see what was in the fridge. Unsatisfied with the results, he shut it. "We need to go grocery shopping. Maddie didn't cook anything?"

"Uh, no. She's not feeling too well."

Tye glanced at him, walked over to the counter and grabbed some potato chips. As he leaned against the counter, he asked, "She drank again, didn't she?"

Of course he knew. Brandon straightened up and nodded slightly. "Yeah. Don't worry, I brought her home safe and sound." Tye let out a heavy sigh and went past him.

"I don't know why she does it," Tye shouted, as if he wanted her to hear him from the bedroom. "It really bothers me that she lets herself get _that_ wasted." Brandon rose from the table and followed. Tye was texting away on the same couch that Maddie lay on just a few minutes before.

"Yeah, it's pretty dangerous," he concurred, settling back in the recliner. "You would think that her friends would be a little more accommodating."

"Her friends probably ditched her for a bunch of middle-aged married men. I love Maddie, but her choices lately just drive me up the wall, and the worst part is, she knows that." Laying his phone down, his brown eyes averted to the window.

"Yeah, she's afraid of you getting upset."

"You don't have to defend her. She obviously knows what she's doing."

"Sorry."

"It's not your fault. Anyway, thanks a lot for taking care of her. It really does put my mind at ease. I work a lot, so I can't always be there for her when she needs me. Someone's gotta pay the bills, right?"

Brandon's lips curled into a half smile as he glanced over at him. "Hey, I help out too. And it's not a problem. I'm pretty used to it by now, I guess."

Tye sighed. "Sorry about that."

Brandon shook his head. "If anything, it's probably just a phase. Most people go through that in college."

"Yeah, but for it to be that excessive? It worries me."

"I know. Well, if it upsets you that much, why don't you just talk to her about it?"

"I should, but I can never find the right words to say. I don't want to make her feel worse."

"You're too nice, Tye."

"I know." He let out a soft chuckle and decided to change the subject. Tye could talk about his girlfriend all day, he noticed, but when it came to stuff like this, he was pretty quiet. "Man, working these ten hour shifts really tires me out. Fifty-five hours a week and I still feel broke."

"That's why I refuse to work retail. I'll just be my own boss."

Tye looked over at him. "Oh yeah, how's your graphic design business going? Must be doing alright if you're still managing to pay your portion of the rent, but I just haven't heard you talking about it lately."

"It's going alright. I have a few projects to do."

"I see. I'd like to see what you've been working on sometime."

"Eh, most of the projects aren't exactly fun." Tye gave him a confused look. "A bunch of boring businesses asking for banners and stuff." Brandon shrugged, averting his gaze.

"Something wrong?" Tye asked.

"Huh? No, it's nothing." He feigned a smile. "Well, I should probably go study. I have a test in the morning."

"Okay. Thanks again."

Brandon nodded and headed back to his room, which was right across from Tye and Maddie's. With a dejected sigh, he locked his door behind him and fell onto his bed.

o-o-o  
o-o-o

 **A/N:** Like I said, I'll have to delete this story when I publish this. How many of you read on Kindle? :P


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